Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hi. Do you ever just.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: Welcome back to another episode of Apartment One R with your hosts, Michael and Holly.
[00:00:13] Speaker A: This is our little diary.
[00:00:16] Speaker B: The diary of the mentally ill.
[00:00:18] Speaker A: The uneducated diary of the mentally ill.
[00:00:20] Speaker B: The uneducated observations of the mentally ill.
[00:00:24] Speaker A: And we put uneducated in there because you already know we don't want you to. What? Come for us. But we do want you to come for us in other ways. Now, before we get into this week's topic, Holly, I have a question for you. What pisses you off? What perturbs?
[00:00:39] Speaker B: So this one's a little different this week, as I am unprepared and tired, but I'm going to just say something that happens every once in a while, and I'm unsure about it, and it frustrates me.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: Go ahead.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: When an eyelash gets in my eye or some other creature, cat hair, fluff, whatever, and it starts to go into the goo of the eye, what do you do? Do you pick it out or do you let it get absorbed? Because it makes me uncomfortable thinking about it getting absorbed. But also, I have my whole ass fingernail in my eyeball trying to get that shit. There's two options, and they both sound bad.
[00:01:22] Speaker A: They're both terrible. Option number one is pink eye. Right? It's scratchety scratch. You're sitting there rubbing. Water is coming out of your eye.
[00:01:32] Speaker B: You start to lose oxygen from the frustration.
[00:01:35] Speaker A: You're pissed off. It's a mixture of things, and it's a build up. And option number two is, you know how oysters, like, when they get a little bit of sand and it rolls around in the goo and it crystallizes to become a pearl?
[00:01:47] Speaker B: No, I didn't know that.
[00:01:48] Speaker A: Yeah. It's how pearls are invented, by the way.
[00:01:51] Speaker B: I thought they were just like an egg or something.
[00:01:55] Speaker A: It's like if a little bit of dust or sand gets into an oyster, it'll coat it with a layer of something and then coat it with another layer, and then another layer and another layer.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: Is that what's happening in our eyeball?
[00:02:06] Speaker A: Right. That's what it feels like.
[00:02:08] Speaker B: It's like the goo. Oh, my God.
[00:02:10] Speaker A: It's like pearlizing in there.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: It's like the goo in, you know when you have sunny side up?
[00:02:16] Speaker A: Like eggs?
[00:02:17] Speaker B: Yeah. And there's that extra clear goo, gelatinous.
[00:02:22] Speaker A: Mucus that's in our eyeballs.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: And sometimes some shit gets in there and it takes it with it. It grabs onto it, and it starts getting deeper. Once something gets in the eye, the clock starts ticking, and you have moments before that goo sucks up whatever it is.
[00:02:39] Speaker A: I feel that that was actually me two days ago, and it wasn't the type of thing where you go, oh, there's an eyelash in my eye. Oh, there's it. There was no answer. It was just irritation. It was just me rubbing my eye. It didn't feel good. It felt like something was stuck in there and I couldn't get it out. It was in the goo. It was in the lagoon.
[00:02:56] Speaker B: How are you supposed to exist throughout your day?
[00:03:00] Speaker A: You should be able to. There should be, like, maternity leave, right? Paternity leave. And then there's something in the goo that needs to be up there.
[00:03:09] Speaker B: It's like I'm diseased now. Hey, everyone.
[00:03:11] Speaker A: Hi. Every bathroom is my bathroom.
[00:03:14] Speaker B: There's something inside of my body, and I don't know what's in it.
[00:03:17] Speaker A: It's monster inside me. It's. I didn't know I was pregnant.
[00:03:21] Speaker B: That fucking eyelash. You know what? The eyelashes are meant to protect our eyeballs. And here they are, the real threat.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: My little rinky dink eyelashes. The only thing they're good for is getting stuck in my eyes.
[00:03:32] Speaker B: It's when we ourselves are our own monsters, is what our eyelashes represent.
[00:03:38] Speaker A: There's a metaphor in there.
[00:03:39] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:03:40] Speaker A: There's like a poet in there. What gets lost in the goo. Oh, my God, we're rolling.
He has some. He has issues. Do I need to tone it down? Do I need to tone everything down? Welcome back to another episode of your cult leaders. Welcome back to Apartment One R. Grab a seat. Pour yourself a drink. Maybe it's a sprite and vodka. Maybe it's a tequila soda. Maybe you're going to have a little wine. Let us know down in the comments below. If you're a white wine kind of guy kind of girl, or if you prefer a glass of red, let us know.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: You know what? And if you like white claws, don't let the world shame you and call you basic. That shit's easy to drink. It's fizzy, it's got the right amount. You can measure it however you want. It's cheap enough. It's not the most economical, I would say vodka. Something like a cheap liquor that can last over weeks. It's probably financially the best thing. However, if you like a white claw or a truly or whatever, I support you. And there's no shame in this house when it comes to that, for everything else.
[00:04:47] Speaker A: And that shame goes both ways. So if you're tired of the white claws and you would like a beverage that isn't sparkling water.
[00:04:55] Speaker B: You know what?
[00:04:56] Speaker A: I'll give you that because I love a white claw. There's a time and a place for everything. If I'm at a beach, I love a white claw.
[00:05:01] Speaker B: Yeah. It's a great summer drink.
[00:05:02] Speaker A: We have a cooler. Get the white claws out. I love that.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: Matter of fact, I'm going to go ahead and email white claws and ask them to send us a promo code.
[00:05:11] Speaker A: Hi, white claws. Forget what I said a second ago. I love white claws.
[00:05:15] Speaker B: We're trulies, okay? We don't need a high noon because.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: We could be Bougie. We could be Bougie. We love a high noon. There's a time and a place.
[00:05:22] Speaker B: Everybody has their preference, right?
[00:05:24] Speaker A: What turns you on?
[00:05:25] Speaker B: I think the same for everyone. Confidence, love, nurturing.
[00:05:29] Speaker A: We love that. Today's episode is brought to you by. Kink. That's right. You heard it here, folks. Today we are talking about kinks.
[00:05:37] Speaker B: Kinks.
[00:05:38] Speaker A: And we are not Kink shamers. However, you know the deal. We're here to shit talk. We're here to get to the down and dirty. We're here to find an enemy, okay? And we're talking about kinks.
[00:05:47] Speaker B: It's fascinating, isn't it?
[00:05:48] Speaker A: What is a kink? Should we look it up? Should we define kink? I'm going to look it up.
[00:05:52] Speaker B: It's a community.
[00:05:52] Speaker A: I realize there is a community.
[00:05:54] Speaker B: It's an identity.
[00:05:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Because. Okay, I want to know. There's a Ven diagram. And in this circle we have kink. Kink culture. Wonderful. In this circle we have pretentiousness, identity and ego. There's an overlap there. There's an overlap there. That's who I want to find out about. Where this little sliver, I want to know about. You ready? This is the definition of kink. Ugh. It's giving me, like, never mind. Fuck Google. We know what we're talking about. We don't need Google.
[00:06:22] Speaker B: We don't know. I want to know what it said.
[00:06:23] Speaker A: This is what it says. Kink. A sharp twist or curve in something that is otherwise straight. A kink in the road or a stiffness in the neck. Like, fuck that. That's not what I mean. What does having a kink mean? An unconventional sex, taste or behavior.
Unconventional. Let's talk about. I feel like the word unconventional. On topic and off topic has been diluted so much recently. Oh, she's unconventionally beautiful. He's unconventionally hot. I have kinks that are unconventionally attractive. What does unconventionally mean? I feel like we, as a society, have strayed so far from what unconventional means. Am I the only one that thinks that?
[00:07:03] Speaker B: Maybe because I feel that, I don't.
[00:07:06] Speaker A: Know, it'll be some hot ass guy and people are like, why am I attracted to him? Lol. It's unconventional. He's unconventionally hot. I'm like, he's just some hot ass dude. Like, oh, I like fee. I'm unconventional. I have an unconventional sex habit. I don't know what unconventional means anymore. I really don't.
[00:07:30] Speaker B: Quirky. I'm fun. I'm cool.
[00:07:33] Speaker A: That guy is hot. But because I like him, he's, like, unconventional kind of hot. You know what I mean? He's not, like, hot hot. He's like, I think he's hot.
[00:07:41] Speaker B: I'm cool. I'm Minty. I'm teal. Teal.
I'm toothpaste.
[00:07:48] Speaker A: I'm sea foam. I'm sea foam with, like, a glitter reflect.
[00:07:53] Speaker B: I like a skater boy. I don't like just your typical model.
[00:07:58] Speaker A: Don't give me a Brad or, like, give me, like, a Daniel. I'm like, unconventional. Give me a, like, Mama. It's all the know. Nothing's unconventional anymore at this point. Let's be real.
[00:08:13] Speaker B: Yeah, it is kind of a weird phrase. So there's unconventional. And then the thing about kinks is when it gets bacterially dangerous.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: Right. When you get into the peepee and the poopoo.
[00:08:24] Speaker B: I can't relate. So can I speak on it? I don't know.
[00:08:26] Speaker A: We could speak on whatever we want, because like we said, if you stay canceled, you don't got to what? Get cancEled. Thank you very much. And also tune off. Tune off.
And again, we don't kink. Shame. But let's define kink. I think if you. My kink is I like blood and screaming and murder. That's not a kink. That's a problem.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: Yeah. Where do you draw the line on that one?
[00:08:49] Speaker A: We need to really draw a line in the sand because it's all way too convoluted. Because there's two sides of the spectrum. There's. I like to suck toes, so I'm kinky. You just like the human body, right? And then the other end of the spectrum is I like it when you're muffled and scream or whatever. That's another end of the spectrum. So we need to find the middle ground and draw the line of what a kink is and what a kink is not. And I don't know.
[00:09:15] Speaker B: You know what? I actually think we don't need to draw a line. It doesn't even need to be that big of a conversation. But for some reason, it is.
[00:09:21] Speaker A: It is because I feel like being gay. Naturally. I'm just surrounded. And I'm sure straight people. Straight people are fucking wild, okay? But it's just a part of the culture at this point. And everything you're into is a kink. Now I have a kissing kink. You like to kiss somebody? Oh, I have an intimacy kink.
[00:09:40] Speaker B: I have a fucking in public Kink.
[00:09:42] Speaker A: Yeah, that's a big one. That's a big one. Coming as someone who works in a movie theater, that's a big one.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: You can't enjoy anything on your own. You need people to see you enjoying shit for it to be valid and for it to have existed in the first place.
[00:09:54] Speaker A: Girl.
[00:09:54] Speaker B: No, I get it. I get it. There's, like, a thing to it. Like, it's bad. I can see it.
[00:09:58] Speaker A: Because we love the taboo also. Okay, I should have said this in the very beginning. Mom by dad. Get off. This is not a safe episode. This is not a safe episode.
[00:10:10] Speaker B: Yeah, Kinks. What's the tribal thing of it?
[00:10:14] Speaker A: There is a tribal thing in it, especially. I really don't want to, just because I know straight people are really kinky, too. But just my personal experience, obviously, is a gay experience in the gay community. Kink is a big thing because it all goes back to the taboo thing. Right? The underground thing and then all of that, which I think it's wonderful for kink to be normalized and celebrated so then people find each other that belong with each other.
[00:10:40] Speaker B: Yeah. You know that there's, like, an app for that.
[00:10:41] Speaker A: There's an app for everything. There's an app for everything, which I think is great. Like the peepee and the Poopoo and the Kakas and the diapes. They deserve all that.
[00:10:50] Speaker B: Okay, but is the diape thing. What's the deal there? Is that, like, pedophilia expressed in a more appropriate manner.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: A lot of things are pedophilia. A lot of things are pedophilia expressed in an appropriate manner. That is an important sentence. Yeah, a lot of things.
[00:11:06] Speaker B: Which I guess is a good thing because maybe these people, at least they're getting it out without raping children.
[00:11:12] Speaker A: I mean, if you want to role play like that, that's fine. I feel like for gays, and I don't want to be that gay. That's like shit talking other gays to the straight audience. But I know a lot of you bitches are not toxic yet, but older gays, I found when you're told that you liking another man is gross, disgusting, illegal, all of that, it blurs the lines for you. I've just seen that in older gay men, because they think just loving somebody is devilish, taboo and disgusting. So then everything else is like, I don't want to just.
[00:11:46] Speaker B: I have a theory, which is that men are epically more horny because they have a lot more sperm and they need to plant their seed everywhere. Whereas women, because they have a limited number of eggs, they need to find the right person who can bear the children, take care of them, protect whatever. I could see that, and that's why it's a little harder to get a woman there. And if you don't think it's harder, she's faking it. Well, yeah, I don't know.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: There are some horny ass women. But you are right, though, because men, I always say coming is like breakfast. It's not that big. And same with women. But coming inside of someone is like, whatever. As to where women are, like, I would like for you to take me on a date. I would like to know at least your first name.
[00:12:34] Speaker B: The very fact of Grindr.
[00:12:36] Speaker A: Yeah. And if you don't know, I implore everybody to download Grindr just for fun one day, and just look. But don't put a picture of yourself on there and don't be like, ooh, girl, just go look for a second and delete just to see the vibe. Just so you know, when I talk about it, because when I talk about Grindr and you try to relate to me on your Tinder experience, it's never going to happen. I don't relate. You don't relate? Actually, it's different.
[00:12:58] Speaker B: Yeah. Personally, I don't feel like there's enough time in the day to turn sex into a hobby, and anything can be turned into a hobby. So I guess if you like sex and you want to get artistic with it, I guess that's beautiful.
[00:13:10] Speaker A: I like the art, but I feel like a lot of. There's contracts involved sometimes.
[00:13:14] Speaker B: Yeah. But, you know, what I've heard is that survivors like that because there's a sense of control there. What I really don't like, I really, really don't like the whole cage thing. I don't like collars and leashes as, like, one of the annoying feminists that exists in the world. Old school feminist.
[00:13:36] Speaker A: I'm a witch, whatever you want to call it. Son of my business. You're a feminist, period. But if that's what you're into again, we're not kink shaming. We are just kink observing and kink. Oh, that's your tea. And that's over there and I'm over here.
[00:13:48] Speaker B: And I guess it goes back to the control thing. Like, maybe somehow if you're in a collar. Well, but guys could do the collar thing, too, right? So it might not be a feminist thing. I don't know.
[00:13:58] Speaker A: It's a Dom subculture thing. Whether that be feminists, men, gay, straight, whatever. It's the Dom subbinate culture thing. You know what I mean? Just pretty wild a lot of times. It's pretty wild to me.
[00:14:12] Speaker B: Is that gender based?
[00:14:13] Speaker A: No. Because. No, I don't know what straight people are up to, but gay people, a lot of times are toxic as well. Not necessarily toxic.
[00:14:21] Speaker B: Who's the man, who's the woman? Top? Who's the bottom?
[00:14:23] Speaker A: That whole thing. So it's not exclusive to gender.
[00:14:26] Speaker B: Maybe it has to do with confidence, too, because if you're a girly girl and you're submissive, you feel confident because you feel like you're being a good girl. And if you're a big man, you feel confident because you've succeeded in being what society wanted you to be. So there's confidence, and confidence is the key.
[00:14:42] Speaker A: But there's also a big switch thing there.
In being the submissive girl. You hold a lot of power sometimes in a sex way. We're talking about sex and kink. You hold the fucking power.
I'm over here. I'm a little dainty.
You got the big balls in the room. And then a man, big man, blah, blah, he's just whimpering over there. So it's like the reversal. It's all very oxymoron. It's all very paradoxical. It's all very pterodactyl. It's very important to find your tribe. And if you're that kinky bitch and you find your tribe, more power to you. And if that's your tea, if you're signing contracts before you get into bed with somebody, that's wonderful. It's not for me. It's not for me.
[00:15:28] Speaker B: It's lists of what you can and cannot do.
[00:15:31] Speaker A: It's safe words. There's a time and a place for a safe word, but we're not doing all that. I'm not doing all that.
[00:15:36] Speaker B: Yeah. It could be a hobby, but could it also be like some sort of toxic drug? Because you definitely call heroin a hobby. You can't.
[00:15:44] Speaker A: Right.
[00:15:45] Speaker B: There's certain things when it gets to the point where it's like.
[00:15:47] Speaker A: Because I have seen people's entire lives be dedicated to sex before. I have just, like, on Grindr and just in the culture and whatever, I keep saying, like, gay examples because it's just like, my life, but it goes. Both straight people do it, too. I've seen people dedicate and their entire lives just become. It's an addiction. Sex addiction is a big fucking thing. Porn addiction.
[00:16:08] Speaker B: It definitely is. I've seen people talk about how is it real? Is it not sort of thing? Is it just an excuse for cheating? And the reason I would say that it is is because it's a form of dopamine or serotonin or whatever the fuck, one of those nerve messages. It's just something that makes people feel betteR, so you're just going to use it constantly. And then also, the thing about it is that if you have to go harder every time, that means a tolerance is building. And that's very, very.
[00:16:36] Speaker A: And that's where you get.
[00:16:37] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. But what makes the difference between an addiction and just being a dork about RuPaul's drag race or a dork about surfing or a dork about.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: We took, and I'm sure all you guys have at some point took that BDSM, whatever test. There were questions where I would leave my family and everything that I know right now to live out my sexual fantasies.
[00:17:01] Speaker B: Yeah. And that's just like, would you steal from your family just so you can get another hit of whatever drug you need?
[00:17:09] Speaker A: Literally, it's an addiction.
[00:17:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:11] Speaker A: And it's like, I used to be like, oh, I'm kinky? You don't want to mess. Don't start something you can't finish. I'm kinky? I learned very quickly that I am as vanilla as a Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Like, soft vanilla. I'm as vanilla as I come. Compared to this, compared to all that, hobbies are important.
[00:17:32] Speaker B: But you know what? You can only have so many orgasms in a day, and you can't practice that with a hobby. You can get better and skilled, and, yeah, you can get better at sex, but it only goes so far. And then things get a little weirder.
[00:17:46] Speaker A: And then it becomes like a performance. I always say with sex, sometimes you could tell when someone is just masturbating. You know what I mean? When they're putting on that performance, you are just solo. The only reason you're here is to feel your own oats. And that's great, but that has nothing to do with me. If you're, oh, I'm an exhibitionist. I'm skilled at sex, blah, blah, blah. You're just jerking off using someone else. Do you know what I mean?
[00:18:10] Speaker B: No, but then there's those people who, like, make other people feel good, which is good.
[00:18:14] Speaker A: That's good. I'm talking about something specific. I know there's gays listening, so I'm going to talk to you, and I'm going to address you, okay? They're like, oh, what are you into? What are your kinks? I don't need to have. CaN we meet up? Can we hang out for a second? I'm talking to you. Can we meet up and hang out? Can I look into your eyes and can we feel chemistry for a second? Or do I have to come at you with a laundry list of everything I've ever done, everything I ever want to do, before I even enter your hemisphere?
[00:18:43] Speaker B: Because then it becomes you're using each other. That's also like a.
[00:18:46] Speaker A: It's masturbation. That's truly how I feel.
[00:18:49] Speaker B: And does that start to bleed into the rest of the minds? Are you just using people?
[00:18:53] Speaker A: Are we connecting? No, we're not connecting. You're filling out your fantasies while I'm filling out my fantasies. But we are not doing anything. We are not connecting. You don't know me.
[00:19:02] Speaker B: And that's an empty hole, okay?
[00:19:04] Speaker A: An empty hole was my name in college. And check it out. Gasping, gaping hole.
It's Rosebud.
[00:19:15] Speaker B: That's the worst of them all.
[00:19:16] Speaker A: Yeah, it's the Garden. It's the Garden of Eden. It's Rosebuds.
[00:19:21] Speaker B: That's the other thing, the Rosebud thing. Like, you might die. I don't know if you might die.
[00:19:25] Speaker A: But a lot of the time, it's like SVU, okay?
[00:19:28] Speaker B: So for anyone who doesn't know Rosebud, I accidentally stumbled upon it on Tumblr.
[00:19:33] Speaker A: Back when Tumblr porn was a thing. Hashtag 2014. Hashtag.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: It just came out of nowhere, and it was confusing and extremely scary and frightening.
[00:19:42] Speaker A: Wait, was it a girl?
[00:19:43] Speaker B: I don't know.
[00:19:45] Speaker A: You just saw ass.
[00:19:46] Speaker B: I didn't see ass. I saw intestines.
I saw, like, swelled, veiny, pulsing. Ew, that's scary.
[00:19:57] Speaker A: That is disgusting.
The whole point of sex, to me is like, somebody's inside of somebody, right? Or maybe it's just oral or whatever the case may be. It's inside. Nothing's coming outside. You know what I mean? We're inside. That's the point. Nothing is being dragged out also, I.
[00:20:19] Speaker B: Don'T understand how that physically makes sense because if your intestine goes all the way up to the esophagus through different organs, how does it come inside out?
[00:20:28] Speaker A: I'm picturing, like, friction in the body.
[00:20:30] Speaker B: Oh, God. Something's being stretched.
[00:20:32] Speaker A: There's an unraveling involved.
[00:20:34] Speaker B: No, if that's happening, you've gone too far.
[00:20:37] Speaker A: You need to go to the Emergency.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: Room, and then you need to go to some rehab facility.
[00:20:42] Speaker A: Don't reach for that bottle of poppers. Reach for the phone and dial 911. You need to go to the emergency room.
[00:20:48] Speaker B: Yeah, and because I feel like now if poop comes through.
[00:20:51] Speaker A: What do you mean comes through? It's just plopping out. Everything's outside. There's no through. What, through?
[00:20:54] Speaker B: Yeah, that's another thing. In order for an asshole to come inside out, I don't want you guys to look this up because it's just really god awful.
[00:21:03] Speaker A: Yeah, learn from our mistakes. And don't Google this.
[00:21:06] Speaker B: But I didn't Google anything. This was forced upon my eyes.
[00:21:11] Speaker A: A victim.
[00:21:12] Speaker B: Yeah, I was a victim to this.
[00:21:13] Speaker A: I was a victim too. I was a victim too when it came up to me.
[00:21:16] Speaker B: And you just wouldn't even think it's possible because it's intestines.
It's not like one of those things. Remember as kids, like in the 90s, toy where you stick your finger in? That's what it looked like, by the way. It looks like those rubbery things. And you stick your fingers in and it kind of moves.
[00:21:34] Speaker A: The thing that every teenage boy tried.
[00:21:36] Speaker B: To fuck, it was in those stores where they had all the.
[00:21:39] Speaker A: Maybe it had, like, little goldfish in it. Or maybe it.
[00:21:42] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, one of those stores that had the slinkies that you go down the stairs.
[00:21:48] Speaker A: Maybe it has a Rubik's cube.
[00:21:50] Speaker B: Rubik's cube?
[00:21:51] Speaker A: Those balls where you, like, the magic eight ball.
[00:21:54] Speaker B: Yeah. So imagine that. But it's made of intestines. It's that thick. And see that thing? That's its own entity. But your asshole is attached to an intestine, which is like. It's not its own entity.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: There's a science to a human body. There's a balance to the human body, right? There's mathematics to it. Everything fits where it needs to inside of the human.
When it looks like an inverted snake, when it looks like you took a snake and put your hand in it like a sleeve and tried to invert it, that's a problem.
[00:22:26] Speaker B: You can sit on your own. Is it intestines? I don't know what's going on there, but how do you poop after that? Oh, mom, if your poop is, like, a little bit big and a little bit dense, is it going to drag out the butthole? Like, when you wipe, will you feel like a little dangling intestine? Because it just.
[00:22:42] Speaker A: At that point, you just hope and pray for diarrhea.
Yeah, that's a problem. That's a problem.
[00:22:51] Speaker B: And the fact that there's footage of it means that someone wanted to see it.
[00:22:56] Speaker A: Oh, people die to see people die to see it.
[00:22:59] Speaker B: That means someone wants to experience it. If that's your kink, you have a problem and you need help. You need real psychological help.
[00:23:09] Speaker A: I've been trying to be real careful. I've been walking on eggshells and everything this whole night. If we could shit talk Taylor Swift fans and empaths, I could shit talk you for wanting to pull your asshole out of your fucking body and drag that shit like it's a wedding veil down the aisle. I'm allowed.
[00:23:24] Speaker B: It's not a tail. Okay?
[00:23:26] Speaker A: Seek psychological help.
[00:23:27] Speaker B: Tails have some purpose to them. Okay, I'm not exactly. Maybe it shows emotions in dogs and.
[00:23:33] Speaker A: Cats, but I'm not a dog or nor am I a cat.
[00:23:36] Speaker B: You know what? That's funny. What are tails for? Okay. I don't feel like searching it on.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: My phone, but maybe balance, right? But there's nothing balanced about what are you, like, flicking it around? What are you doing?
[00:23:46] Speaker B: You're going to smush it like a vein? It's really just God awful.
[00:23:50] Speaker A: And people are like, yeah.
[00:23:52] Speaker B: How do you achieve that?
[00:23:53] Speaker A: I don't know. I'm not the ambassador of the anal prolapse. I don't know.
[00:23:57] Speaker B: I mean, you're gay.
[00:23:59] Speaker A: I'm assuming it's just a lot of fisting because fisting is a huge fucking thing.
[00:24:04] Speaker B: Do you have to grab onto something? Like, it's like a.
[00:24:07] Speaker A: Sure, it's like fisting. And then eventually the friction. Just like this is what I'm assuming. Okay, fisting. And then eventually the body is like, Mama, I give up. I give up. And you just pull everything out.
[00:24:18] Speaker B: Is there a sound? Like a.
[00:24:20] Speaker A: There's got to be a sound. There's got to be a sound.
[00:24:25] Speaker B: And that's another thing. It just pops out. Or does it slowly emerge where you start pulling? You have to pull. I don't know if you guys ever experienced this, where you have, like, a bloody nose and there's, like, a snot in there.
[00:24:38] Speaker A: It's a clot. It's a blood clot.
[00:24:40] Speaker B: And you have to actually pull it. And you can feel the clot.
[00:24:43] Speaker A: Somehow it's in your eye.
[00:24:44] Speaker B: You're pulling and you're pulling and it feels like you're about to pull something that shouldn't be pulled out.
[00:24:50] Speaker A: Like somehow your brain is involved.
[00:24:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:24:54] Speaker A: I feel like if your sexual experience is like, I might never walk again. You have a lot of things to figure out for yourself. If you're like, oh, I'm pulling my body out of me, I'm turning inside out for you, Daddy. You have a lot of work to do on yourself, and maybe you don't want to do that work. And that's fine, if that's your prerogative. But you might be wheelchair bound. There's certain things. It's like a give and take. Like you might never walk again.
[00:25:21] Speaker B: And then the sex is over, the.
[00:25:23] Speaker A: Anal sex, because nobody's fucking that. Maybe people are. Honestly, people probably are.
[00:25:28] Speaker B: I mean, you might as well fuck a slinky or whatever the fuck that thing is.
[00:25:32] Speaker A: Fuck a potato, whatever, you know, gum job.
Gum jobs.
[00:25:40] Speaker B: No.
Is that when someone has no teeth?
[00:25:43] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:25:45] Speaker B: You know what? That's not that bad. If teeth is a thing. I don't know. I don't have a penis, so I don't know what that's like. But if that's a thing and you want, I don't know, fine, whatever. The teeth are already gone as long as you're not getting rid of the teeth to give those. That's right.
[00:26:00] Speaker A: Because if you got it flaw on it. If I had nothing but gun and I'm on my way there because I didn't take care of my teeth when I was a kid, if I had nothing when up but gums, I'm putting that to use.
[00:26:09] Speaker B: The other thing is totally self destructive, foul. Okay.
[00:26:14] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:26:15] Speaker B: I feel bad because I'm sure that no one wants to have those thoughts.
[00:26:19] Speaker A: But no, you're wrong. People want to have those thoughts. People want to have those thoughts. And that's another thing about Kinky. We always talk about drawing a line in the sand here on this pod. People want to be kinky so bad. And I was that bitch when I was young. I was like, I'm kinky.
[00:26:37] Speaker B: It's the new leather jacket and motorcycles, right?
[00:26:40] Speaker A: It's like I'm Sandra D, but I'm Swing a cigarette. It's like I'm kinky. No, you're not. No, you're not.
Unless you're dragging a tail, you're not.
[00:26:49] Speaker B: Kinky yeah, that's true. Because when someone says they're kinky, it's, like, hard to tell nowadays, right?
[00:26:53] Speaker A: It's like, what do you mean by that? Are you in chains? Muffled. Are you, like, tale of prolapse, leakage, bodily fluids, or do you think feet are pretty?
Let's draw a line in the sand.
[00:27:06] Speaker B: And what other things can really bad happen to your inner bodies?
[00:27:12] Speaker A: Oh, things being inserted into the penis. I'm drawing a line.
[00:27:17] Speaker B: Never heard of that.
[00:27:17] Speaker A: But you, it's a big thing. You know that little pistol on the penis? People shove long metal pipes down that hole.
[00:27:26] Speaker B: You know what I bet it is when people have, like, the pee things so that they can pee while they're, like, out.
[00:27:31] Speaker A: A catheter.
[00:27:32] Speaker B: A catheter. And then they realize it's good. Just like the way someone might realize, like, a painkiller is good. And they go home and they're like, I want more.
[00:27:39] Speaker A: It's like me when I had braces and I used to clench my teeth because I like the pain. Like, there are certain painkillers.
[00:27:45] Speaker B: That was the thing, wasn't it?
[00:27:46] Speaker A: I used to be like this.
[00:27:50] Speaker B: Before we go, I want to talk about my experience this week of trying to quit the jewel.
[00:27:54] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:27:55] Speaker B: I've done this before. Tried to quit. It's usually gone. Okay? It's never been this hard. The yearning it becomes. I want to see you. I want to see whoever I know who has a jewel just so I can fucking hit it. I know that's so bad.
[00:28:08] Speaker A: I believe it.
[00:28:09] Speaker B: But it's like, there's a yearning that's, like, so deep. It's so hard.
[00:28:14] Speaker A: You've been laughing extra hard at my jokes.
[00:28:17] Speaker B: Literally. I hope you walk out of the door in the morning.
[00:28:20] Speaker A: All of a sudden, I come out, there's a glow on her face. Hi, good morning. I'm like, do you want my jewel? She's like.
[00:28:29] Speaker B: It'S literally just like, I want, and I want, and I want it. I want it. All day long, I have had headaches just because I'm clenching my teeth. The yearning.
[00:28:39] Speaker A: All right, so starting right now, you are not allowed to hit my jaw.
[00:28:42] Speaker B: Starting tomorrow.
[00:28:43] Speaker A: Starting right fucking mother right now after this. Never, like, seriously said anything, but you.
[00:28:50] Speaker B: Will get it if you've ever quit.
[00:28:52] Speaker A: But that's not me, and that's not my story or a narrative right now. But that's your narrative.
[00:28:56] Speaker B: But literally, the yearning, wanting something so bad it becomes distracting, is just an awful experience. It's so awful.
[00:29:06] Speaker A: Remember when Sorens, hashtag Soren hashtag if you remember the life. First of all, it was the big vapes where you were just blowing clouds like chunky vapes. And we were like, girl, what are you doing?
[00:29:19] Speaker B: Then we realized you feel something.
[00:29:20] Speaker A: And then once it got into the smaller soren size, we were like, oh, let me just hit it. I'm not smoking cigarettes. I'm not a dumb bitch. I'll hit that. And then you hit that, and then you hit it a few more times.
[00:29:34] Speaker B: You get a little lightheaded. You like the feeling because it's new. You've been smoking weed a lot, and that's getting old. Drinking is a little bit more extra.
[00:29:43] Speaker A: When you hit it, it's nice, and it only lasts for, like, a second. And you're like, ooh, this is fine.
[00:29:48] Speaker B: The best was when you didn't hit it for a minute and you were like, oh, I haven't hit that for a while. It'll be good this time.
[00:29:54] Speaker A: And then you get to a point where people talk about a head rush, and you're like, head what? Head who?
Yeah, my dad smoked cigarettes my whole life. And my mom said to me when I was young, she said, when people are addicted to cigarettes, to them, they're not smoking cigarettes. They're breathing air.
[00:30:11] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:30:12] Speaker A: And that concept to me when I was young was scary and insane. And then now it's so sad, but I'm like, I get it. I don't feel high. I don't feel a head rush. I don't feel cool. I'm just literally breathing air. Yeah, it's trashy because then you have.
[00:30:30] Speaker B: To go through that whole withdrawal period, and then you have a mental breakdown every time. I'm pMsing. Yesterday at work, I had a mental breakdown. I'm like, I'm getting one. I'm getting one. I ended up not doing it just because I got out of work late. But it can come to that point where you're just like, fuck iT. It's getting hot in here. Should I close up?
[00:30:46] Speaker A: We love you. We're going to keep this wrap up nice and short and sweet.
[00:30:50] Speaker B: Love you.
[00:30:50] Speaker A: We're obsessed with you to the point where it's unhealthy. Take care of yourselves.
[00:30:55] Speaker B: Remember, hashtag apartment One R, right?
[00:30:58] Speaker A: Hashtag apartment. Hashtag. Are you joking? One R. We'll work on the hashtag.
[00:31:02] Speaker B: Yeah, we'll work on it.
[00:31:03] Speaker A: We'll work on it.
[00:31:03] Speaker B: You remember Spotify? You can comment. You can write whatever you want.
[00:31:07] Speaker A: Yeah, and I don't want to hear you fake bitches. Being.
No. Let us know down in the comments below what your thoughts.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: Please. Please, we're begging you. No, we're not begging you. We're culters.
[00:31:18] Speaker A: No, I'm telling you because I'm your dad. I'm your Dom. Okay? Kinky. Hashtag kinky. I'm your Dom.
[00:31:25] Speaker B: I'm your submissive, and I want you to tell me what you want me to talk about.
[00:31:29] Speaker A: I'm your pan verse switch ice pumpkin latte. And I'm telling you to let us know in the comment section what you think. Good night. Good morning. If you're on your commute to work, maybe stop in and have a pumpkin spice late.
[00:31:44] Speaker B: What kinks do you have involving the holidays?
[00:31:48] Speaker A: Maybe you want to fuck a know. Maybe you want to ride Santa Claus. Let us know down in the comments what you think, because we want to know what perturbs you. What pisses you off, what makes you look at someone and think, are you joking? Hashtag are you joking? One R. Like, what stupid people. Clarify that. That was a joke.
[00:32:10] Speaker B: Why? No, because if you know us for real, you know that I personally don't like it when people say shit like that. Although that's our whole show, right? I'm not stupid, okay?
[00:32:21] Speaker A: I'm not stupid. I'm a genius. And I'm not built for this world.
[00:32:24] Speaker B: I'm built for the 70s.
[00:32:27] Speaker A: I'm built for the think. I'm an alien. And y'all don't get it.
[00:32:33] Speaker B: Really. I should be in another planet.
[00:32:36] Speaker A: I was very much like 1920s vibes. I just resonate with flapper energy.
I just feel that for me, I'm an old soul.
[00:32:47] Speaker B: I wasn't meant to be here.
[00:32:49] Speaker A: I listened to Stevie Nicks once on a family road trip to Lake George. So I'm just spiritual. You don't get it.
I'm a witch. I'm a Wiccan. We're so good at callbacks. We're so good because we talk about.
[00:33:02] Speaker B: The same shit all day long. We have no new knowledge.
[00:33:05] Speaker A: Literally. Kira motherfucking Ek bitch. She told me she was like, on the podcast, you said XYZ. I was like, oh, that's funny, because I talked about that yesterday on the. It's, we are repetitive, but we need.
[00:33:18] Speaker B: To get it in your head if we really want you to follow along.
[00:33:21] Speaker A: And just become a cult member.
[00:33:23] Speaker B: Yeah. Be what we need you to be.
[00:33:25] Speaker A: All right, well, bye.
