Episode 2 - MONEY DOES BUY HAPPINESS

Speaker 0 00:00:00 I'm still hearing a lot of like, Speaker 1 00:00:02 I'm hearing a lot of, Ooh, welcome back to another episode of What Goes Down in Apartment one R. Speaker 0 00:00:07 Uneducated observations from Holly and Michael. Speaker 1 00:00:10 And we say uneducated observations because we don't need people coming for us. We're just too bored, broke bitches with microphones. You're not gonna Speaker 0 00:00:17 Learn much from us. No. Speaker 1 00:00:19 Keep your expectations low. We are here to cut up. We're here to have a good time. Maybe you're on a commute to work. Maybe you are doing Speaker 0 00:00:26 Dishes, maybe you're doing laundry. I Speaker 1 00:00:28 Hate doing laundry. I Speaker 0 00:00:29 Hate it so much. <laugh>. Speaker 2 00:00:31 I hate it. Speaker 0 00:00:33 My bags are so heavy and I come home and my back is hurting. We Speaker 1 00:00:36 Live in Queens so we don't have laundry in our building. We have to go down the street. And I don't know if that story resonates with you as a viewer, but it's horrible. It's horrendous. I Speaker 0 00:00:46 Was thinking about getting some sort of mechanism to do it in the house. If a shirt gets dirty, I just clean the shirt done. It's like Speaker 1 00:00:52 I've seen some videos of things that you plug in and it does it in the tub. It seems a little reiki beki, doesn't it? Speaker 0 00:00:58 <laugh>. I don't know if it's like a tub of its own and it's not touching Speaker 1 00:01:02 The bathtub. That's what I saw. I have a coworker, she lives in Manhattan. She has a machine she plugs in and it goes in her bathtub. She says she can't bathe or shower the day she's doing laundry. Does the Speaker 0 00:01:12 Clothing touch the bathtub? Speaker 1 00:01:14 See, I don't know. And if that's the case then it's like a strong no-go. Yeah, it's a strong no-go. Speaker 0 00:01:18 You don't put your ash. Shes on the floor of the bathtub. No, Speaker 1 00:01:22 No, no, no. We have the kind of bathtub that's like you wear your flip flops in at the public pool. Speaker 0 00:01:26 But I don't wear my flip flops. Speaker 1 00:01:27 No, me neither. And in this week's episode, we're gonna do something that we've never done here on the pod. We're gonna introduce ourselves. Who are we? 23 Speaker 0 00:01:35 Year olds from Rockland County, New York. Upstate slash not upstate. Speaker 1 00:01:39 Let's define it right here. And right now, Speaker 0 00:01:41 The lower Hudson Valley. It Speaker 1 00:01:42 Is the southern most tip of the state of New York on the west side of the Hudson River. However, all of our colleagues are friends, are coworkers that are from the boroughs, never heard of her. And they consider Rockland County to be deep, deep upstate. Speaker 0 00:01:56 They think we're like hicks who don't have air conditioning. <laugh>, <laugh>. Speaker 1 00:02:00 But the reality is, we're city folk that don't have air conditioning. Speaker 0 00:02:04 Although Rockland County did vote for Donald Trump, I think Donald Trump won in Rockland County, which was sad. It Speaker 1 00:02:09 Does not surprise me. Speaker 0 00:02:11 We're both in hospitality. I hate it. I feel like you hate it. Slash love it. I Speaker 1 00:02:15 Hate it. Slash love it because what are my other options? Yeah. Speaker 0 00:02:18 Um, I think that's a good introduction for now. Speaker 2 00:02:21 Oh my God. We're rolling. If she stops now, she's now gonna finish. Throw God up. I will fuck you up. Do it. You'll literally fuck. We're fine. We're the jobs, the economy. Maybe you should ask yourself. He has some. He has issues. Um, do I need to tone it down? Do I need to tone everything down? Speaker 0 00:02:55 So tell me what you wanted to tell me. What's the gossip? Speaker 1 00:02:57 So for those of you who don't know me, I'm a bartender. I work in a restaurant bar. We do this thing called Ladies Night Every Tuesday, $3 cocktails, which to me is the worst thing to ever happen to an establishment. Ever. $3 Speaker 0 00:03:10 Cocktails. That's amazing. For you. Speaker 1 00:03:12 For you. That's amazing For me as a bartender. I'm surprised I haven't been floating down the river yet. Um, anyway, so I was complaining to my boss. I said, this is a horrible idea. Nobody's tipping. I'm doing seven times the amount of work for one fifth of the pay. I have a bunch of screaming people in here drunk for $6 tabs. This isn't insane. Wait, so Speaker 0 00:03:31 What was the demographics? It Speaker 1 00:03:33 Was a good healthy mixture between pe grio moms and screaming Woo. Girls that are in like their mid twenties. Speaker 0 00:03:39 Who are the better ones? Speaker 1 00:03:41 I would say the Pinot Grigio moms for sure. So I told him, I said, this is a horrible idea. The boss started it over and came up to me today and said, hello Michael Crow. I thought about what you said. And instead we're gonna be doing drag nights every Tuesday you're in charge of the list. You're gonna be working in head to toe drag and you're gonna perform every single Tuesday. Ah, Speaker 0 00:04:00 This is great news. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:04:02 One more thing before we get into the topic. I was bartending today and I look over at the guest that I'm serving and guess what she has in front of her on the table Speaker 0 00:04:09 Would I know? Yes. Speaker 1 00:04:10 You would never guess, but you know, was it some Speaker 0 00:04:12 Sort of technology? No. It's something that's worth talking about. No <laugh>. Um hmm. What would someone have on the table that Michael would then come back and tell me about? I'm gonna Speaker 1 00:04:24 Tell you. Tell me a wandering Jew. The plant. The plant. She just Speaker 0 00:04:27 Had it sitting there. She Speaker 1 00:04:28 Had it sitting there and I came over. I said, oh my God, I love the wandering Jew. She looked at me like I was crazy cause she didn't notice what it was called. Speaker 0 00:04:34 <laugh>. That's so funny. Yeah. <laugh>. She's like, what'd you call me <laugh>. But Speaker 1 00:04:37 She gave me a little piece. Speaker 0 00:04:38 Where Speaker 1 00:04:38 Is it propagating in the green room? Speaker 0 00:04:40 Can I do that? Sure. You just cut off this little stem. Cut off Speaker 1 00:04:43 A little stem. I Speaker 0 00:04:44 Love that story. You just out there grabbing snippets of little plants and propagating them for a couple weeks until they die. <laugh> <laugh> one of these days. No, it's not your fault. There's Speaker 1 00:04:55 Gonna be success one day. It's because my apartment is the size of a shoe box <laugh> and my window faces a brick wall. I can't exactly be the botanist of my dreams in this apartment. So what's our tap? Speaker 0 00:05:07 It's so weird when reproduction is like an a weird instinct. Wanna Speaker 1 00:05:11 Know how weird it is to be gay Because I have those Speaker 0 00:05:14 You wanna I pregnant man. Speaker 1 00:05:15 Literally I have those reproductive instincts on men and I'm like, oh, you would be such a good father. Uh, as if I could impregnate them. I'm like, am I broken? Because I've genuinely, I have those fertile thoughts over grown ass men with testicles. Speaker 0 00:05:29 That's so funny. You know how women will oftentimes have pregnancy scares over bullshit? Yes. Something very minimal. And they're like, I think I'm pregnant. I think that that's because they don't necessarily wanna be pregnant, but their body does. It's almost like they're jumping to the idea that they're pregnant. Cuz deep down they want it. Their bodies wanna have kids. So there's the infliction of I wanna have a baby. Is this it happening? And then the the brain being like, no, I'm not ready. And the body being like, yes, it's happening. And the brain being like, no, no, no. I feel like that's what happens. And Speaker 1 00:05:57 Then it ends up with a crying phone call to me. <laugh>. <laugh>. Speaker 0 00:06:01 But I have every once in a while, baby fever where I'm like, do I want a baby inside of me right now? Cause I <laugh>. Speaker 1 00:06:08 Oh my God. But Speaker 0 00:06:09 You just have to wait it out. I've talked to other women about this. It comes in waves because that Speaker 1 00:06:13 Feels so like biologically intense. Uhhuh <affirmative>. Speaker 0 00:06:15 Do you ever want a baby inside of you? Speaker 1 00:06:17 No. Speaker 0 00:06:18 You wanna give a baby? Speaker 1 00:06:19 I want a grown man inside of me. Alright. But my ex-boyfriend, I was like, he would look so cute. Pregnant little belly Speaker 0 00:06:24 Bow. That's so Speaker 1 00:06:25 Funny. But I don't want kids. I really don't. I really, really don't. Speaker 0 00:06:28 I want to have kids, not babies. I wanna adopt. Maybe one day Speaker 1 00:06:32 You wanna skip over the Yeah. Speaker 0 00:06:33 Just some kid who needs a home who's waiting Wait. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> waiting in one of those big rooms with all the, what do you call those old beds? The cots Speaker 1 00:06:41 You're fully picturing Alf <laugh>. Yeah. Speaker 0 00:06:44 They're all sleeping on cots in one big room. A nurse who's also a non one <laugh> walks through. She's like a little bean. She's got tough love, but then she's feeding them pills or some shit. Yeah. You know, the best friends leave. They get a home. There's the one who just never gets a home. I'll take that one. I don't know actually I'll take the pretty one. Kidding. <laugh> Speaker 1 00:07:07 For me, I'm like, no, thank you. What? I'm too self-absorbed. Let's be honest. Speaker 0 00:07:12 Well this is only if I have money. Oh. Speaker 1 00:07:14 If I'm older and I have money and I'm in like a healthy, monogamous relationship. Oh nos me sitting here in this living room right now, it's a firm now. Well, where Speaker 0 00:07:22 Do you see yourself in the future? See Speaker 1 00:07:24 Like that's my problem. Speaker 0 00:07:25 <laugh>. That is your problem. Speaker 1 00:07:27 Yeah. I don't do all that. Speaker 0 00:07:28 Because you will have complaints in the past. You're good at into your design. You have all these talents and I feel like you've complained about people being like, you should do that for work. And you're like, no. It's like I just, and it's like, why not? You're good at something. Make money from it. Because Speaker 1 00:07:41 This is the thing. I'm like a bidder. I'll get over it. I think one day I'll get over it. I really do. I think when I'm 25 years old and my insurance is out, I think I'll get over it. But as of right now, I'm just a bitter fucking bitch. Like, I'm like, I don't, ugh. Ugh. Like, ugh. Like yeah. Interior design. And I like drag and I like speaking into this microphone. I like plenty of things. I like drawing and people are like, this is an example I use. I paint every once in a while and people are like, you should be an artist. I am an artist. Just because I don't make money from it, it doesn't mean I'm not an artist. Speaker 0 00:08:13 I feel like you don't like to be told what to do. Speaker 1 00:08:15 Exactly. If I'm in the middle of doing, like say I'm cleaning my room and someone says, clean your room, I'll stop. I will just stop cleaning. You Speaker 0 00:08:22 Literally would. Yeah. Speaker 1 00:08:23 <laugh>. I hate being told what to do. And do you wanna know what it's like to be fully aware of an issue you have and just like it's still an issue. I know the problem. I'm the problem <laugh>, you know. Speaker 0 00:08:34 Well, it's okay. It's just if you are not happy at your job, the thing is you don't make improvements Speaker 1 00:08:41 Because it's like, this is just an example. Like I said at the beginning of this podcast, this new little opportunity with a drag night came up at my job. Like I sit here and I should talk. I want a new job. And specifically I want a new bartending job because I wanted to be surrounded in the gay community. I'm tired of pouring drinks for straight people. But now I waited like a week and this opportunity came up at my job. You waited Speaker 0 00:08:59 Like four months. <laugh> <laugh>. Ok. No, you're four months. Matter of fact, last fall you were like, I refused to work here during the winter. All right. Speaker 1 00:09:09 You're right, you're Speaker 0 00:09:10 Right, you're right. It's now the end of April. That's fine. As long as you're surviving. Because Speaker 1 00:09:16 This is the thing I, I am somewhat happy. I just wanna be fucking happy. No matter what I do, I don't wanna work. Like I will admit that I am that lazy ass fucking bitch. I don't want to work. I want to be like just a nepo baby. Like that's my dream. You know? Every time Speaker 0 00:09:30 I open my eyes in the morning I'm like, I wanna be rich. Literally I'm like a little brat stomping. I wanna be rich, I wanna be rich. Speaker 1 00:09:38 Look, I wanna throw a temper tantrum like this world has never seen. I wanna be retired. Whoever said money can't buy happiness actually needs to go fuck themselves. Speaker 0 00:09:46 Money doesn't buy happiness. If you are rich and you're raised by a nanny and you don't have love, money is so important Speaker 1 00:09:52 Because I feel like I already put the work in of struggling in my youth <laugh>. I'm ready to just be rich. I want my parents to come sit me down and say, Michael, can I tell you something? We're wizards. Speaker 0 00:10:03 What I want is to be able to be like, dad, I'm buying you a house. I want to have the money to be a good friend and a good family member, but I don't have the time. If you're working and making little money, you just have very little time. Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and energy. Speaker 1 00:10:19 Even like when I went upstate this weekend and my garden, cuz I lived there and I used to like work on the garden a little bit, but this is before I knew a lot about plant species. So I was just kind of planting things wherever now I was like okay, I need to start over, rip everything out and redo it. And I wanted to do that for my mom. I knew that plants were pricey but like I went to the nursery and I wanted just three limelight hydrangeas for two different spots in my yard just to put and say, Hey these are gonna grow. They're perennials are gonna come back every year. You guys just need to water it the first year. And I literally walked in. Oh and I wanted an azalia bush for the front. I had $40 in my pocket. I don't know what I was thinking, but I walked in, I looked at the azalia bush. One azalia bush was $65, which like isn't even that crazy. It seems like a lot. But like I turned my ass around and I walked out of the nursery and I didn't get anything. I just wish I could do that kind of thing. I wish I could just landscape my mom's yard for her for fun. That would make not only me happy, but that would also make her happy. So yeah, money does buy happiness. Yeah. Speaker 0 00:11:17 It's so important. Speaker 1 00:11:18 It's like when fucking rich ass country singers sing about how being poors awesome. That's how I feel when I hear people be like, money doesn't buy happiness. I think of fucking rich ass country singers being like, you don't need a, there's this fucking song that plays my job. It's literally about how you shouldn't work to make more money because being poor is cool and it's by like a millionaire country singer. It's like the same vibe to me. When people say money doesn't buy happiness, I'm like, who the fuck are you to say that? Speaker 0 00:11:44 I feel like the reality is objects aren't happiness. No, no, no, no. Speaker 1 00:11:48 Objects make me very, very happiness. Speaker 0 00:11:50 No Louis Vuitton. That's not happiness. Having a super nice car. Having a nice car that is smooth riding good speakers. Okay, yeah, that's nice. Having brand names, having a lot of things. That's not happiness but that's not the same. Having money means being able to go out to eat and not looking at the check and feeling pain. Doing something with your friends, getting tickets to a show, traveling a little, doing things without feeling pain. Those are all activities with friends. And yeah, you can go to the park with your friends, but it'd be nice. It'd be nice Speaker 1 00:12:22 Even going to the park cuz it sounds so like, oh, we just go to the park. All right, let me go to the park. You go to the park, your friends wanna smoke. Okay, so I have to go to the store. I gotta, I got $40. Gotta buy a little bit of weed. Gotta buy the roll up. You smoke the weed. Oh well um, you know, we're a little hungry. Let's stop at the bakery. Stop in the bakery. You get the roula. The ro is too much money. It's all too much money. Even free activities end up costing money. And like we Speaker 0 00:12:46 Wanna drink and we wanna relax because you work these hours and you're commuting these hours, you get home, you barely have time to yourself. You have to make dinner, you have to take a shower, get ready for bed and then all of a sudden you have to get in bed because you're gonna have to work early in the morning. Speaker 1 00:13:02 Ew. Speaker 0 00:13:03 The main message should be like items, brand names. They will not bring you happiness but money. A foundation to be comfortable is to be happy. To be secure. You can't find happiness or enlightenment unless you feel some sense of security. If you're in survival mode constantly just every single fucking second, you're in survival mode. That is not only is it unhappiness, it's unhealthy, Speaker 1 00:13:29 It's psychologically damaging. And Speaker 0 00:13:31 When you're working in hospitality, all of your friends, your family, they all work at different hours. You're not lines up with anybody. And Speaker 1 00:13:37 Then it becomes a whole other psychological issue of my family being like, oh, I never see you. We never talk. We never call. I'm a bartender and I'm depressed. So I'm getting out of bed at 4:00 PM going to work and then working. Right now we're recording this podcast. It is one 11 in the morning <laugh>. And I'm just getting drunk and my night's just starting, you know, <laugh>. So like yeah, we have just different hours, you know? And then it becomes this whole issue. We have different hours. All of our successful friends have a set schedule and they're like, let's go out and like catch up and like get lunch and stuff. And I'm like, it's just not lining up with me. Yeah, it's not lining up. And I wish it did, but it's just not lining up. Yeah. And if you hear our struggle and you were wishing that we had a little bit more money, why don't you go ahead and click that subscribe button. Why don't you go ahead and hit that like button and share it with the friends. You like the video, hit the like button. You don't like the video. Why don't you also hit the like button? Speaker 0 00:14:29 Don't like the video. Why don't you kill yourself <laugh>. I'm just kidding. Speaker 1 00:14:33 Jake. Hey jk. And if you try to cancel us, please do. Please do. We need the boost, Speaker 0 00:14:38 We need the publicity. Yeah. Right, right, right, Speaker 1 00:14:41 Right. Yeah, we need that Reddit rant. We'll Speaker 0 00:14:43 Take the Trump supporters. Speaker 1 00:14:44 We'll take anyone at this point. You're a pedophile. Okay. I'm kidding. <laugh>. <laugh>. I want to keep talking, but should we call it quits? We Speaker 0 00:14:52 Should call it quits. Speaker 1 00:14:53 All right. Okay. Thank you guys for listening to us rants about nothing and everything at the same time. Um, so it's about that time where we have finished. I want you guys to listen to a little something. I really hope this audio clicks for you guys. One bottle, two bottles, <laugh>. And that's the third bottle of this rose. It's the bene inspiration Rose. This is not sponsored, although we would love a sponsorship. So Speaker 0 00:15:18 Bene rose, why don't you give us a shout out? Unless Speaker 1 00:15:21 You're homophobic and hate Jewish people, then you can go fuck yourself. Just kidding. We would love for you to sponsor our videos. There Speaker 0 00:15:29 Was so much hostility. <laugh>. Speaker 1 00:15:32 All right, everybody, have a good night. If you are listening to us on your commute to work, why don't you stop into a Starbucks or a Duncan? Pick yourself up a little something special Speaker 0 00:15:40 Unless you're broke because Speaker 1 00:15:41 It's like $5 for coffee and that's way too much. It's Speaker 0 00:15:44 $8 <laugh>. Speaker 1 00:15:45 I don't know. God die. Speaker 0 00:15:46 I spend my last $8 be Speaker 1 00:15:48 Better. I was at work today. They said we had a reservation for a four top coming. I said, mama, last time I had four tops coming was my trip to Fire Island. Oh, all right. Have a nice night. Have a nice day. Wherever you are around the world listening to us, I hope Speaker 0 00:16:02 You don't spend your night going. Please go to sleep. Please go to sleep. And then looking at your alarm to find that you have two hours left to go to sleep and you're wide awake. And Speaker 1 00:16:10 I also hope you don't spend the night staring up at a stranger's ceiling with your <laugh> Speaker 0 00:16:15 Wishing that you were home in your own Speaker 1 00:16:16 Bed. Yes. So please, Speaker 0 00:16:18 If you're with a stranger, hopefully you're cuddling. Speaker 1 00:16:20 Yes. Get your cuddle on and think about us while you're doing it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, if you need to dissociate, come over to Apartment one R the Speaker 0 00:16:26 Next time you're having sex. Think about my voice. Speaker 1 00:16:28 Think about the soothing sound of my.