# 17 - LOVE

[00:00:01] Speaker A: Okay, we're recording. [00:00:02] Speaker B: We're recordy. [00:00:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:00:05] Speaker B: Good. Good. Welcome back to another episode of Perturb. [00:00:09] Speaker A: So ask me. [00:00:11] Speaker B: Welcome back to another episode of Perturbed. Guys, we missed you. [00:00:15] Speaker C: We've been here waiting for you. [00:00:16] Speaker B: Welcome back. And I, like the rest of you, and the world, would like to know. Holly, what perturbs you? [00:00:22] Speaker A: It pisses me off when in shows and movies, a character is trying to expose somebody, so they record the person admitting what they have done. Instead of running off with that recording in secret and then exposing them without their knowledge, they tell them immediately, like, they'll literally play back what they had just recorded. Now the person that they exposed has time to reverse. Dom, it just pisses me off. [00:00:48] Speaker C: I know. [00:00:49] Speaker A: It's just a movie. It just shows movies. But, like, come on. [00:00:52] Speaker B: Come on. We have to do better as a society. It's because everybody in movies, they love a monologue. They love a got you moment. They love, well, well, little girl. I bet she didn't think I had this recording. And it's like, while you're doing this monologue, I'm winning, you're losing, you know? [00:01:11] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm like, why? Why are you doing that? And I don't imagine that anybody would do that. [00:01:18] Speaker B: No, they wouldn't. Half the time when I'm watching tv, it's, like, so solvable. [00:01:22] Speaker A: The reality is, if you were recording someone admitting something, your heart would be pounding. You'd be like, I'm actually doing it. I'm actually doing it. You'd be freaking out on the inside, and you'd scatter as soon as the coast was clear. [00:01:34] Speaker B: And you have to play along. People don't play along. You have to go, uh huh. Smile and nod, oh, I have nothing. I know nothing. I'm nobody. And then walk away. Don't be like, gotcha. I know everything. And then run, like, what are you doing now? They're gonna fight you. They're gonna kill you. What are you doing? [00:01:48] Speaker A: I don't know. Now that I think about it, like, maybe people would do that shit just cause they wanna have the gotcha moment. [00:01:53] Speaker B: People love a gotcha moment. They love a monologue. [00:01:56] Speaker A: Maybe they wouldn't. I don't know. It just pisses me off. [00:01:58] Speaker B: Pisses me off. It pisses me off. I'm done. [00:02:02] Speaker A: I'm sure there's some reason for it in scripts, but, like, it's to make them lose. [00:02:08] Speaker B: That's why. [00:02:09] Speaker A: Find some other twists. Have the character run off with the recording so we can breathe, and then come up with something else, some other obstacle that they have to overcome in the process, but not that one. [00:02:21] Speaker B: Recycled. It's the same recycled garbage time and time again. Garbage. [00:02:26] Speaker A: As soon as they say, I got you, and they replay it back to the person, I'm like, immediately what's gonna happen? The recording's gonna somehow get lost. They're gonna grab it. They're gonna grab the phone, throw it in the water or something. You just soiled it. [00:02:40] Speaker B: Soiled it. [00:02:41] Speaker A: So that's my perturbed of the day, of the week, of the episode. [00:02:46] Speaker B: Like, are we mad at the characters, or are we mad at the script writers or both the script writers a little bit. [00:02:54] Speaker A: It's not the character's fault that God. [00:02:56] Speaker B: Has written their existence to be so corny. [00:02:59] Speaker A: And that was their divine plan, was to get the proof and then reveal that they have the proof so that the person has the opportunity to grab the proof. Why would anybody do something like that? Why would anybody. Hey, look, I have something that you can solve. Like, I'm gonna give you this opportunity. [00:03:18] Speaker B: Cause it's their moment to reclaim power. [00:03:21] Speaker C: Power. [00:03:22] Speaker A: It's stupid. [00:03:23] Speaker B: Mary, this is not the time. You're in control of the power, right? You have the recording of them admitting it. That's the power. You don't need them to know. They're gonna know when they're put in prison. [00:03:32] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:03:33] Speaker B: It'll come to the surface eventually. But you just had to be so greedy and so selfish with your I gotcha moment. And now what? Now what? You've tanked the whole operation. [00:03:42] Speaker A: Yeah. Now you're a target. And you've revealed what they need to obtain from you. You need a diversion instead. Look over there. Run. [00:03:51] Speaker B: Lie. [00:03:52] Speaker A: Yeah, lie. [00:03:53] Speaker B: What are you doing? Telling the truth. Look what I have. I got it. What are you doing? Lie instead. [00:03:57] Speaker A: Who can I have? [00:03:58] Speaker C: Come and get it. What do you want to. [00:04:00] Speaker A: You love. You love the chase. You love the attention. [00:04:02] Speaker B: They love the attention. [00:04:04] Speaker A: You feel like when the person's running at you for your device, they're actually just running at you because they want you. They want to fuck you. [00:04:13] Speaker B: They want to be inside you. [00:04:14] Speaker A: No, bitch. [00:04:15] Speaker B: And, like, there's always, like, that one, like, nerdy girl that's like, I'm through the firewall I'm in. And now she's working hard in, you know, a remote location and your boots on the ground in the operation, and you've ruined. You've ruined it for the girl behind the firewall. You've ruined it for everyone. [00:04:35] Speaker A: Yeah, there's always other people because your ego got in the way. Now you're screwing it up for everybody else who is involved because everyone else who put in the work. [00:04:42] Speaker B: You want your little moment? Fuck your moment. [00:04:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:04:45] Speaker B: Your moment will come. Your moment will come. There's no rush for the moment. [00:04:48] Speaker A: And, you know, actually, I. It is the script writing, because after this happens, I no longer feel for this character. My empathy is gone. Cause I'm like, you're a fucking idiot. I hate you for what you've just done. [00:05:00] Speaker B: Turn the tv off. Turn the show off. [00:05:01] Speaker A: You expose the person for what? And then you expose yourself like a fucking idiot. [00:05:06] Speaker B: Dumb, dumb idiot running around. [00:05:08] Speaker A: I hate that plot line. [00:05:09] Speaker B: Yeah. Tired. [00:05:10] Speaker A: And it's always immediate. It's always immediate. They'll literally be standing there, just pull out their phone, press play on what they just recorded, and the person's hands aren't tied behind a chair or something or behind a pole. [00:05:22] Speaker B: These characters, these imaginary characters, they get way too comfortable. [00:05:25] Speaker A: Like, you had power for 1 second. [00:05:27] Speaker B: Soiled it, ruined it. [00:05:29] Speaker C: Okay. [00:05:29] Speaker B: It's just you and me here. Are you joking? [00:05:42] Speaker A: We're here in apartment one r. This is perturbed. And we have Rachel on the show, a special guest. [00:05:49] Speaker C: Hello, Rachel. [00:05:51] Speaker A: I have a question for you. What disgusts you? What smells foul? [00:05:59] Speaker C: I have something that thoroughly frustrates me. It's talking shit when someone's right there around the corner about them. Like, I don't know what to do in that situation, do I? You know, maybe I agree. Maybe I want to talk shit back, but now I know that person's around the corner, and now I'm put in this situation. No, we need to walk away and talk about this person in a different room. Some people have no shame. [00:06:26] Speaker B: No, that pisses me off because then I'm not able to, like, authentically give my feelings because I know I'm an earshot and I'm just uncomfortable, and I'm like, it was. Shut up. Shut up. Like, oh, my God. [00:06:35] Speaker C: I'm like, oh, well, she's all right. The other person is confused. Why? I'm not, like, you know, continuing the conversation with them, and everybody's just confused and lost. I just want to run and hide. [00:06:46] Speaker B: And there's this inevitable, inescapable vibe of, like, don't you want to be a bad bitch that just tells it like it is in front of someone's face? But it's like, no, I want to just coast through life easy and then shit talk people. [00:06:57] Speaker C: But even if, like, if you're gonna talk shit to someone's face. You go up to their face and say, like, I'm not gonna be hehe. Like, from, like, across the room. And someone can hear. [00:07:06] Speaker A: You know how you look? You're a little, hehe. Whispering in the distance. Like, they can hear you. So you're a bitch for that. [00:07:13] Speaker C: Wait till later. Isn't it best till they leave? And then they're like, guys, like, let's chit chat. [00:07:18] Speaker B: What we do on this podcast is we come here and we should talk the world so that we could enjoy the world. And now when I'm in moments where people piss me off, I can't wait to talk about it on the podcast. That applies to everything, because if you're in the moment, absorb all the content that there is to absorb and then discuss later. [00:07:33] Speaker C: You hold that shit in because it's now you have weird. [00:07:36] Speaker B: You have two days of content now to talk about. Instead of talking about it while the person's right in front of them, the person can move. [00:07:43] Speaker A: They're like a vehicle. What if they roll on by or. [00:07:46] Speaker C: They can hear you. [00:07:47] Speaker B: They could hear you from down the hall. [00:07:48] Speaker C: And it's like, it goes to, oh, I'm just a shit talker. Like, everybody is. Listen, we all rant. So now, like, I'm a bully because this person's hearing, and now I feel extra rude. [00:07:57] Speaker A: Like, yeah. [00:07:57] Speaker C: Cause then, you know, if you heard some of behind you song shit, now they're putting this uncomfortable conversation. Do I confront this? Do I just stand here and feel bad about myself? Like, I don't wanna put someone through that. I just wanna discuss what they did. [00:08:10] Speaker A: Now this bitch is dragging you into it, right? [00:08:12] Speaker C: Know better, do better, look inwards. [00:08:16] Speaker A: Even if I know they aren't in the corner, but I know they're in the building. I will not contribute even if I know they're in the building, because they could easily. Hey, guys, let's just, like, peer around the corner. [00:08:27] Speaker C: That is my biggest fear. [00:08:29] Speaker B: Like, shoot me a look. We'll know. We'll talk about it later, right? The real girls, like, get it. No, you don't have to discuss. You don't even have to give looks. If someone says something crazy, you just know, like, we'll talk about that later. That's for later. [00:08:40] Speaker C: It should be common sense. [00:08:41] Speaker B: It should be common sense. And also, it's like, ew, you're making everyone around you feel so uncomfortable. [00:08:45] Speaker C: To the point where I'll be like, shh. Like, I should not whisper. [00:08:50] Speaker A: Whispering. Just because there's a wall there doesn't mean they no longer can hear. That's not how physics work. [00:08:58] Speaker B: Yeah. I was in a situation recently where I heard someone talk shit about me, and I went over shaking with anger. [00:09:07] Speaker C: Fuck. You think you're slick? [00:09:09] Speaker B: I'm like, you could listen on this podcast. I give full permission to all human beings on this planet to shit talk me. Don't do it in front of my face. [00:09:17] Speaker C: I don't need to know. [00:09:19] Speaker B: I need to know that you shit talk me somewhere else. I'm okay with you shit talking to me. I'm not that person that's like, oh, she talk shit. [00:09:24] Speaker C: Like, talk your shit, right? Everyone needs to let it out. [00:09:27] Speaker B: Do it somewhere else. [00:09:28] Speaker A: And speaking of that, I don't like it when friends look at each other and smile when they're in the presence of someone that they're ma. They're making fun of someone telepathically to each other. You smiling to that person is facial communication. We can see, like, the people around you can see that you're laughing at someone. [00:09:47] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, you think you're so slick with your, like, little movements and stuff. [00:09:50] Speaker C: Some people get off to putting others down. I'm like, I wonder if these people know that they're doing it. I know I can't, but do they understand the severity of it if someone were to do that to me? I think about it. I remember there was one time I was in the bathroom at school. It's very high school movie moment. I was in the bathroom, and this girl, who I won't name, I'm literally in the bathroom stall taking a fucking piss. She's talking shit about me with somebody, talking about my business. And I thought I was a bit, like, till this day and probably till the day I die, I wish I would have slammed open that door and cursed her out. I'm so mad because I just stood there. Cause it's kind of just like, first I wanted to hear throughout, like, I didn't want to cut her off. I wanted to hear every damn thing that she had to say. But then it just, you know, at the end of the day, she walked out. I didn't do anything, and I'll forever regret that. [00:10:41] Speaker A: Yeah. I think about the moments when I was being a little bitch in the past. Did you text her, though? Did you confront her at all? You're the type of person. [00:10:48] Speaker C: I did it because I didn't want to even point out the fact that I didn't do anything. I did walk out the halls, like, shaky. I did kind of, like, look around to see if I could find her and be like, hi. I don't know. Sometimes there's moments where you think that you're gonna be a fucking bad bitch monster, but you're just sometimes. [00:11:05] Speaker A: Rachel's my sister, by the way, when we would have dinners with our mom's boyfriend's daughters. [00:11:11] Speaker C: Oh, we going there? [00:11:12] Speaker A: I'm gonna go there. Because they did this shit where they would talk shit about. I don't know who, the house, us, whatever, to each other. They would whisper and laugh to each other. And it's like you're at a dinner table with people. You're talking about the people hosting you. You're whispering to each other, and you're also texting each other. Like, it's so bizarrely rude. And they're sisters, so I kind of think they don't know. I kind of think people like that don't know the severity of it because they've never went through the trauma of being caught. [00:11:41] Speaker B: Well, yeah, they need to go through the trauma of confrontation. [00:11:43] Speaker A: That's what I think went. [00:11:45] Speaker B: I live by this narrative that you could do and say whatever you want. I hate when people say, oh, I can't say this now. I can't do this. You could do whatever the fuck you want, but you have to be prepared for the consequences. So be a little brat, talk your shit, but you will be confronted and you will make everyone around you feel uncomfortable. [00:11:59] Speaker C: It's like the subtleness, though, of it, of the look. If she would have said, oh, I don't like this, then that gives someone else at least the opportunity to defend themselves or explain or be like, okay, fuck you too. But when it's like this vibe of, like, we're judging you, you don't give someone that response. Or you team up in a way. Then you leave someone helpless and vulnerable. And that's just kind of like this predatory act. Throw it at them so they can at least kind of have some sort of response. [00:12:28] Speaker B: Unless that person is being rude. Like, if you're talking about someone being rude, then you could be rude. Like, you could be like, the fuck what? But, like, if you just think someone is weird and you're talking about it in front of them, like, you are just being an asshole fully. [00:12:40] Speaker C: It does depend on the situation. Like, there's this guy at a bar, right? He wasn't being creepy. He was just kind of asking me stupid questions. Like, kind of just repeating himself. He was drunk, whatever. And, like, he was an innocent guy, but to a point it's like, okay, it's enough. [00:12:52] Speaker B: Chill out. [00:12:53] Speaker C: Yeah, I don't remember what I said, but I kind of just did say something. I was like, are you okay? Like, are you okay? Is everything okay? [00:13:01] Speaker A: Well, wait, but then you walked around and someone tried to talk shit about him to you? [00:13:05] Speaker C: No, no, I more just, like, said it to his face. Cause I noticed that I was looking around laughing, so I was like, I can't just do this. I have to just. I forget what he said, but he repeated himself, and I was like, oh, you said that already. Instead of just looking around and laughing, like, being, like. [00:13:20] Speaker A: You were like, wait, I don't want. [00:13:21] Speaker C: To be this person. Yeah, so I noticed it was happening. So it's like, okay, let me cut this off and just be like. You said that already. And maybe he felt uncomfortable by that, but I think that maybe he needed to hear that and needed to be like, okay, I did say this three times and need to fuck off. [00:13:37] Speaker A: What he said three times, was it kind of annoying and flirtatious or. [00:13:42] Speaker C: It, like, was. And I don't know that I want to say it, because I feel like, though maybe. [00:13:46] Speaker A: No, because if it was someone just being drunk and saying something three times, then I would think that you were being bitchy by, like, laughing and rolling your eyes. No, but if it was someone flirting and, like, making an ass of himself and making you feel uncomfortable, then, yeah, I agree with you. [00:14:01] Speaker B: I feel like he had to have been making an ass of himself for you to feel the way you did. [00:14:04] Speaker C: Yes. Yes. Like, I was being put in this, like, huh? Like, I just had to, like, respond and, like, I don't know, like, what he expected from it. [00:14:11] Speaker B: I've been there before when a drunk person is just, like, way too close to my face and, like, breathing and, like, ugh. And I'm like, you need to relax. Like, you really need to, like, step away from me. [00:14:19] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:14:20] Speaker A: Please. Put yourself to bed. [00:14:22] Speaker B: Uber home, bitch. Get Grubhub. [00:14:24] Speaker A: Should we move on forth onward and. [00:14:28] Speaker C: Upward or downwards to the depth? [00:14:30] Speaker A: We're spiraling now. [00:14:32] Speaker C: We're going off the defense. If only they told you that a slide was really just a representation of growing up. Just climb up and you go right down. [00:14:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:14:45] Speaker B: And we could try to make it fun all we want. [00:14:47] Speaker C: Do you remember that bumpy slide where you thought it was fun, but you really just hurt your ass? [00:14:51] Speaker A: Oh, my God, I forgot about the bumpy slide. [00:14:54] Speaker C: That's my life. [00:14:56] Speaker A: I see life more as a hike or as a cliff where when you fall, it's not a slide. It's more of, like, you're crashing through trees, getting scrapes on the way, trying. [00:15:07] Speaker C: To grab on the leaf as they. [00:15:09] Speaker A: Like, continuing to fall. You land on a branch, and then the branch breaks underneath you, like, there's. [00:15:16] Speaker B: A few solid seconds of like, okay, we're done. And then it. [00:15:21] Speaker C: I can, like, fully visualize. [00:15:22] Speaker A: And then you're in the middle of the woods, so there's no trail back. [00:15:25] Speaker B: And your leg is, like, upside down, and you're just like, does it look bad? Does it look bad? [00:15:30] Speaker A: You hear someone like holly, like, the cliff that you just fell off of. [00:15:35] Speaker B: They'Re like, holly, let's go get drinks tonight. [00:15:39] Speaker C: Walk it off. [00:15:40] Speaker A: My leg. [00:15:41] Speaker C: Just walk it off. If only you're that easy. Just, you know, is it that easy? I don't know. [00:15:47] Speaker A: I don't know. I feel like we're all the type of people who spiral. We don't just walk it off. We lay there usually. [00:15:54] Speaker B: So today it's dark. [00:15:56] Speaker C: Whoa. [00:15:57] Speaker A: Today might get a little bit dark. It might get a little bit emotional. We're gonna try to have fun with it. [00:16:03] Speaker B: I have an iced coffee and a white claw. So we're gonna see how I feel. [00:16:06] Speaker A: You're mixing white claw with milk. [00:16:09] Speaker B: Oat milk, oat milk. [00:16:11] Speaker A: Anyway, so today we're talking about. [00:16:14] Speaker C: What are we talking about? [00:16:15] Speaker A: We're talking about love. We're talking about relationships. [00:16:18] Speaker B: Heartbreak. Heartbreak, loneliness, sorrow. [00:16:23] Speaker C: Something I feel like we all relate to to some extent. Whether you're on the good side of it or the bad, if you're on the good side, you'll probably see the bad side very, very soon. [00:16:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Like, if you think things are good now, don't worry, it'll get you too, right? [00:16:38] Speaker C: Then you come back to this podcast and you'll relate. [00:16:41] Speaker A: So Rachel has had a bumpy road, and I think we're gonna talk about that road today, that story. [00:16:50] Speaker B: You have an ex, and we wanna use an alias. [00:16:53] Speaker A: What are we calling him? Teddy? [00:16:55] Speaker C: No. Zipper flipper. Zipper flipper? [00:16:57] Speaker B: Flipper is an alias. Do not try to find this person. Cause they don't exist. [00:17:01] Speaker C: If you're listening to this, you probably know who he is. Ooh, you already know. [00:17:06] Speaker A: Is there a chance that he has listened to this, will listen to this? [00:17:10] Speaker C: There's like a possibility. I think he's too wrapped up in his own, like, fucking world that he maybe won't. [00:17:16] Speaker A: Right. Narcissism is another one of our topics for today. [00:17:20] Speaker B: Bring us to the very, very beginning. Oh. [00:17:23] Speaker C: Which I have to say, I was. [00:17:24] Speaker B: 16, and I think I was there. [00:17:27] Speaker C: Oh, wait, what? [00:17:29] Speaker B: Right it wasn't the first day you met, but do you remember that Taekwondo place? [00:17:36] Speaker A: Okay, this is weird. Oh, you met him in a dojo? [00:17:40] Speaker C: No. Okay, so I met him once, right? And I don't even know if I should go into the depths of this story. This crazy. So he was. Oh, this makes me look bad. Well, he was with this girl, right? So, like, when I met him, he was with this girl that they both were in a relationship. He was in a relationship. This girl was in a relationship, right? But they were both being snakes, so they get caught. Right? The girl's boyfriend is like, where are you? Who are you with? She's like, I'm just with my friend. We're just at this guy's house, right? She texts me. She's like, girl, you need to get here. Like, my boyfriend's about to come. Like, I need him to see that I'm with you so that he doesn't think I'm fucking this guy, right? So I'm come. I'm like, whatever. I'm 16. I'm down for a good time. I'm down for a sleep time. The plot, whatever. So I go, right? He ends up picking me up, like, with his grandma, and I see him in the front. [00:18:32] Speaker A: So you go to back up your friend who's cheating on her boyfriend, and her boyfriend comes, he picks up you? [00:18:38] Speaker C: No, no, no. The boyfriend doesn't come. Flipper comes with this girl. Whatever. They. Cause I needed a ride. [00:18:43] Speaker A: Okay, so Flipper came to pick you. [00:18:45] Speaker C: Up from so that I could go back to their house. [00:18:48] Speaker B: And he was a stranger to you? [00:18:49] Speaker C: Excuse. Yes, he was a total, total stranger. So I get picked up and I see him in the front and, you know, whatever. Obviously, this is a toxic situation, but, you know, when you just see that person, I need to love at first sight. Maybe this is, like, my problem. But I thought he was super attractive in that moment. And, you know, obviously this was the situation. It wasn't the time, but it stuck in my head and whatever. We hung out all that day, and we vibed, we had a chat, whatever. And then I think he went to jail the next time period for, like, a week and then started a pattern. Yes. Which I thought was, like, quirky, you know, fun. Sometimes. [00:19:32] Speaker A: You're like a bad boy. [00:19:34] Speaker B: I get it. I get it. [00:19:35] Speaker C: Don't we all just love a bad. [00:19:36] Speaker A: Boy who feels like a tribe leader? I think. [00:19:40] Speaker C: I think it's just we want, like, something edgy. We want something that we have to like. [00:19:44] Speaker B: I've had my fair time with the bad boy thing. And I think it's cause I was like, no, he's bad because he obviously. He's just bad and fucked up because he hasn't met me yet. Duh. Duh. Like, he doesn't know what the validation. [00:19:58] Speaker A: I'll be the thing that fixes him. [00:20:00] Speaker C: It's almost like a cat. Like a rude cat. You want it to just love you so bad. [00:20:05] Speaker A: You want a feral boy. [00:20:09] Speaker B: Pooping into a box. [00:20:12] Speaker C: No, out of the box. But then you end up having to clean that shit up. So, girl, oh, my. [00:20:18] Speaker A: Look at this metaphor. Okay, so. [00:20:20] Speaker B: So him and his mistress, Bonnie and Clyde, are going down the highway to your friend's house, and you're like, oh, puppy. [00:20:25] Speaker C: Which this just. I'm gonna throw in a life hack here. Zone zon zoo. Don't be with somebody that. Or even. Don't even get that thought in your head. They're cute. If they are cheating, they're doing something bad immediately. You will save yourself five years of bullshit. [00:20:44] Speaker A: Let's go to the moment when you guys fuck for the first time. Or what about the flirting? How long does it take for you. [00:20:54] Speaker C: Guys after he came out of jail? Whatever. We were just kind of friends on snap. He never flirted on snap or anything. We would just talk, whatever. I'd be like, oh, that's cool. Or he would comment. I posted with the song. He's like, oh, I love that song. Whatever. Through, like, bullshit little chats back and forth. And, you know, aside from the girl, you know, she was fucking a bunch of people. She didn't care. It wasn't like my friend's, man. It was just kind of like, whatever. So. But he had a girlfriend, so I was like, I'm confused. I was just trying to be a friend at that time. I was like, he's cute, but, you know, I'll be nice. Like, I don't. I'm not gonna flirt. And then the dojo, where my life. [00:21:31] Speaker B: And your life simultaneously collided and shot downhill, I think. [00:21:35] Speaker A: This doesn't really make sense to me how either of you guys ended up in a dojo. [00:21:39] Speaker B: One thing led to another. We were in. [00:21:41] Speaker C: A friend owned a dojo, but. So he was a, um. What should I even say for a dealer? The dojo needed some. [00:21:53] Speaker B: Some. [00:21:53] Speaker C: Yeah, yo. [00:21:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:54] Speaker B: The dojo turned into a eskimo dojo. Cause it was not one in there. [00:21:57] Speaker C: You know how we do. But. So he comes for that purpose of doing his work. And, you know, maybe that was an excuse for me to see him, maybe not I don't know. Again, I'm wrong in this. Like, I fully will take accountability. And I entertained it. I wasn't, I didn't think to myself, I'm gonna, like, snatch this man who has a girl. But, you know, when you're young, you're like, you know, I never. I only had a few crushes at that point. You know, I never really. I never had a boyfriend. I was a virgin, whatever. [00:22:28] Speaker A: So I think the main problem would also be that if you're catching feelings for a guy who's currently cheating on his girlfriends, I was the problem. Yeah. No, no, no. Not that you're the problem. [00:22:40] Speaker C: Let's maybe cut that out. No, I'm not. No, no, you are. You're sex team. [00:22:43] Speaker A: You are part of the problem. But, like, he's gonna just do the same thing to you. [00:22:49] Speaker B: You lose him the way you get him. [00:22:50] Speaker C: Right. But I think that when you, like, I had never had, it was also new. So I feel like I didn't know the rules. I didn't know. And obviously, you know, you don't do that, but justify. [00:23:01] Speaker A: You made a mistake, whatever. [00:23:02] Speaker C: That's when you feel a connection with somebody. I think in the moment, that's all that matters because, you know, there's certain people that click, certain people that don't. There was boys that I thought were cute, but there wasn't this natural connection that I feel like when I felt that with him, because it was so new, I thought that that was so important. Obviously now when you grow up, you're like, okay, you know, yeah, I feel a connection with someone, but if they're a murderer, like, you know what I mean? I have connections with other people. Like, I didn't really understand that in the moment, it feels like this connection is too important to let go. [00:23:34] Speaker B: I've learned that, like, love is. I don't think it's like a limited resource. Like, people think like, oh, my God, I have feelings for this person. So this is my person for the rest of my life. And, like, I can't, like, I have to commit fully, even though they're fucked up and blah, blah. You could fall in love with a sheet of loose leaf paper. If you tried hard enough, you could. You could find love elsewhere. [00:23:49] Speaker C: Very agreed. Agreed. I think, you know, before you learn that, before you get into it, like. [00:23:53] Speaker B: When you're love, you think, like, this is my human. [00:23:55] Speaker C: Yeah. And you think there's nothing else. You think that, you know, it is nice to have a connection with somebody. I think in life that's all we need, you know, friends, family, people that you can just sit with and feel comfortable with. And that's where, you know, love gets confused with comfortability. And I think that's. That's the biggest problem. [00:24:12] Speaker A: So you met him at the dojo? Did something happen at the dojo? [00:24:15] Speaker C: It didn't, so why? [00:24:16] Speaker B: I remember I cried. I cried to him the first day I met him at the dojo because I was like, you remind me so much of my ex. Do you remember this? [00:24:24] Speaker C: Oh, yeah. [00:24:24] Speaker A: Oh, my God. [00:24:25] Speaker C: Another red flag. Isn't that a red flag? [00:24:27] Speaker B: It's such foreshadowing. Like, looking now at it. And I was like, Rachel, don't do it. Don't get with him. [00:24:32] Speaker A: Okay, so let's flash forward then, to unless. Did something happen at the dojo? [00:24:37] Speaker C: No. Things just slowly progress, and we just kind of vibe from there. You know? I never was, like, immediately, like, this is gonna happen. But just deep down, all I kind of knew was I just wanted to see him. I just wanted to be around him. There wasn't, like, an end goal of, like, we're gonna fuck. Let's go. Like, it was kind of just like, you know, you just want to see somebody be around them. And that kind of just happened for a while until I remember one day we were in the city, and he was just like. I said something silly, goofy. And he was just like, you're so cute. And in that moment, I was like, oh, okay. Like, that just validated. I was like, this is happening. You know what I mean? And at that point, I was super confused because he obviously had a girlfriend. And it was kind of weird, though, because after kind of that, and as things progresses, we would hang out. And I think that this was, like, a plot, but him and his friends would always talk about how shit she was. But in the moment, I was like, well, you know, if she's shitty to him, if she's cheating on him, if you know what I mean, then it's like, at what point we're young. It's not like they're married. I was kind of like, well. And I'm sure that he made it, obviously made her seem to be like the devil, and I'm sure he does that about me. So that's something that I didn't understand at that time too. When someone says, oh, my ex is crazy, like, there's obviously a story. [00:25:52] Speaker B: Everybody says they have a crazy ex, so somebody's lying. Like, not everyone on the planet could have a crazy ex. Like, some of you are the crazy ex. [00:25:59] Speaker A: Some people, like, it starts to become, you're the common denominator here. [00:26:03] Speaker C: Agreed. It also does take two to tango. Like, you know, I'll be one to accept the things I did wrong, but there are the toxic narcissists. [00:26:11] Speaker A: There's also a level of, why didn't you just break up with her? That's a red flag, right? [00:26:15] Speaker C: Like, if she's so bad, if your friends are even talking shit about her. [00:26:19] Speaker A: Like, so there's a slow progression. You kind of flirting, whatever, kind of crushing. And then you finally got with him and he was still with his girlfriend at this point. [00:26:29] Speaker C: Yes. [00:26:29] Speaker A: And then I feel like I sort of remember you being like, but. But I really like him. [00:26:35] Speaker C: I'm not. I mean, you know, I definitely liked him. Like, you know, we were hooking up for a while, and it was just so confusing because I was just constantly hearing how awful she was and, you know, that she had cheated or that she. [00:26:48] Speaker A: Oh, I actually remember you hooked up with him or had been hooking up with him, and then you saw him on the couch with his girlfriend. And I remember you said that it hurt a lot to see him with his girlfriend. [00:27:01] Speaker C: Yes. I triggered it was because the way that he had described it this whole time. And, you know, I obviously feel like an idiot for believing, but at that time, it just kind of felt like what was true, that their relationship was going to be ending soon. Seeing them together, like, we just happened to be at a friend's house, whatever basement was like, is this all a lie? Like, I feel like a fucking idiot. But, like, you know, they're together, obviously, I have empathy. This poor girl, like, sitting there with her man, thinking that, you know, they're whatever, and I'm that bitch. Just sitting there, like, knowing what I've done, knowing what he's doing. Like, it just kind of all hit me because I think that when you don't see the girl and you don't. [00:27:42] Speaker A: You know, understand she's this mysterious monster who's sucking. [00:27:45] Speaker C: Right. And when someone's telling you this story, that story becomes reality because you're not seeing anything else. Whereas now this is the reality. He has a girlfriend. Then I was like, okay, you need to figure this the fuck out. [00:27:59] Speaker A: You said that to him? [00:28:00] Speaker C: Yeah, and there was a point. We didn't talk. I don't remember what happened after that. But she did end up finding out, and they did end up breaking up. [00:28:07] Speaker A: Did she ever confront you? [00:28:08] Speaker C: She messaged me. Yeah, she did. I think I denied it. She was like, you were fucking my man, like, I met you. Like, you were nice to me. Like, it's rough. And you know what? I did get my karma for that and I paid my debt for that. But it was a big lesson. And I will say that one. I feel like she's out here fucking people's mans. But you know what? I still will always feel that, like, fuck who she is and how she is doesn't affect what I did because I didn't know her at the time. Even so, how could I be like, oh, she's shitty. [00:28:42] Speaker A: Like, you trusted him without knowing the full detail, right? [00:28:48] Speaker C: Which is like, don't trust these hoes. [00:28:51] Speaker A: Okay, so there's a few bumps in this road. [00:28:55] Speaker C: Yeah, that's even the beginning. That's like, that's not even. [00:28:58] Speaker B: This is smooth sailing so far compared to what's coming. [00:29:02] Speaker C: You know, I speak to a lot of people, and their first relationship usually is either shit or like, so many theories. Do tell. Yeah, get into a few in terms of first loves. [00:29:14] Speaker A: Okay, let's get into love. [00:29:15] Speaker B: It's undeniably obvious that everybody is so affected by their first loves. Like, my first love I was only with for nine months, and I still am affected to this day, six years later from this relationship. And that's not unique to me. Everybody goes through it. I feel like, and I think I figured it out. Am I a doctor? No. Am I a psychiatrist? No. But I feel like everybody, for their entire life, has been programmed to think that there's, like this one special soulmate person that's waiting for them to find them. And all of those little private growing up moments that you keep and cherish to yourself. Laying in bed and holding yourself, looking into the breeze and enjoying a song. Like all of these little special moments that are just yours when you first fall in love with somebody, you give them all of those moments. So even if you're with them for a month or five years, they're really dating. Like, say, however, say you got into the relationship at 16. You've been with them for 16 years because you put that person in the spot where you used to keep yourself. So then when you break up with them, you lose that huge part of yourself that you've had your whole life and never even realized was there. [00:30:20] Speaker C: Once you feel love, once you're laying in bed with someone, cuddling, this energy exchange, it's like this undescribable feeling when you've never felt that way. You know, you love your friends, your family, but when you're truly just with somebody and in love with somebody, nothing else matters. It feels like you could lay there and just be happy forever, you know, in the moment. It just feels like the answer. It feels like just pure bliss. And I think that once you experience that, it's hard after to, you know, like a drug, like just going back to normal after that. Like, once you get a taste of love, it's hard to kind of live with or get used to being without it. [00:30:55] Speaker B: I went 18 years without it, and I was totally fine. I had it once, and now I'm like. Like, I don't want to be in bed alone. [00:31:01] Speaker A: Your theory, Michael, is about you taking care of yourself for the amount of time, and then you're taking care of some, not someone else. [00:31:09] Speaker B: But I feel like you're in a relationship with yourself when you're a single person, whether it's a healthy relationship or not. And then when you are with somebody, you replace that relationship with yourself, with your relationship with that person. So all of you know, I always hear the line, like, you know, you're in love when you're excited to tell that person something that happens to you or blah, blah, blah. None of that existed before you met that person. You might have just been excited in the moment with yourself, but now you're excited to tell your love or to share this with somebody that you love. So it's like they are a human, but what they really are is this entity that you've known your whole life, if that makes any type of sense. [00:31:45] Speaker A: Or you've given them that, you've given it to them. [00:31:48] Speaker C: You've given them a piece of yourself at that point. [00:31:51] Speaker B: And they. And once you give it to them, there's no getting it back, Mary, it's theirs. [00:31:54] Speaker C: You can take it back. But it takes a long time to learn how to truly do that, because this person has control over you. When you give that piece of yourself. And people, you know, obviously when they're toxic or whatever, it crushes that part. So even when you get that part back now, that part is broken. [00:32:09] Speaker B: I've seen it happen to so many people, myself included, where they're like, why am I so heartbroken? I've only been with this person for such a short amount of time. Like, it doesn't make sense that I'm this level of heartbroken. And it's because, like, with losing them, you lost a huge part of yourself, the part of yourself that, like, you were in a relationship with before you ever met that person. So that's my theory on first love. [00:32:28] Speaker C: And it's always trash it's like that first hit. What I've noticed, at least, is even if I have this, like, you know I met someone recently, right? We had this amazing, amazing time. But deep down, there was always this fear. There's always this, like, nah. Like, this is all bullshit in the back of my head. I think now someone would really have to prove to me, like, that they're lawyers. [00:32:48] Speaker A: That's where the trust issues begin. [00:32:50] Speaker C: Yes. I feel like first, relationships going rough. Like, is this trauma because being betrayed, being cheated on, when you're laying in bed with someone, cuddling, laughing, being so happy, and then finding out that 20 minutes later, after that happened, they were with another, literally fucking somebody else on some crazy kind of betrayal. Like, how do you. [00:33:10] Speaker A: Because for you, this feels so good. How could they even think about anybody else? I'm only thinking about this person. How can this person be doing this with multiple people? They have to be a sociopath. [00:33:23] Speaker C: Yeah. And not only do you not trust them, you don't trust yourself anymore. It's hard because you're like, how did I sit there? Everyone kind of, to a point, thinks. [00:33:31] Speaker A: The feelings are reciprocated, right? [00:33:33] Speaker C: Let's say you're laughing with someone. You think equally. We both think this is equally as funny. Imagine that person laughing with you. He was like, this is not funny. [00:33:41] Speaker B: You question your intuition. You're like, I was wrong. [00:33:43] Speaker C: How did I not see it? [00:33:45] Speaker A: You know what's weird, too, is the serial cheaters like flipper, they know that these women feel this way about them, so they're just thriving and consuming. The feeling of making this person think that they're special, like, this is a special relationship. You know what I mean? They're going from prison to prison, making them feel like they're in a magical, special, unique connection. [00:34:10] Speaker C: It's the words, too. It's like, you make me feel like I've never felt before. Like, it's just, like, the most boto. Shut up. Like, you don't need to say that. Like, the love bombing. The love bomb. [00:34:22] Speaker A: It's the love bombing. [00:34:23] Speaker C: That's exactly what it is. [00:34:24] Speaker B: Oh, love bomb. [00:34:25] Speaker C: And if you've been a victim of it, you know exactly what that term is. [00:34:29] Speaker A: And I think the end of the day, it feels good. But I think if everybody understood that they're not special, because we want to feel special, but we're not. We're all humans. We're all flawed. Nobody's perfect. Nobody is that different and unique that they're gonna provide someone with something that they can't find elsewhere, you know? [00:34:50] Speaker B: I guess, but I don't like that. Like, actually, I like everyone but me. Like, yeah, right? [00:34:58] Speaker C: So my exes have said, well, you. [00:35:01] Speaker A: Have to, like, be able to realize that, because if you're looking to be that girl where someone's like, you're different than other girls, you're not. Like, you're not that everybody's different. Like, you. If you know that that's the reality, then they can't trick you, because then you'll just be like, what do you mean I'm different? I've known you for, like, three weeks. How different can I be? [00:35:21] Speaker B: That's why I hate. Like, I hate dating. I just want to, like, jump over all of it. Like, I know a lot of people are. Like, the honeymoon phase is the best part. Like, I couldn't disagree more. I hate fake. I just can't do it. I can't sit across from a table at a restaurant with someone and be like, so, like, what are you. What are your hobbies? Like, it just feels so canned. Because you could just pick up that person and replace them with anyone, the conversation would be the same. I know it's necessary, but I just want to be able to, like, fast forward. Like, I'm in clique, and I'm Adam Sandler. [00:35:49] Speaker A: We're monogamous bitches here in apartment one r right now. Right? I think we all are. Like, we like the partnership. We like knowing someone, knowing their roots, not getting to know someone, but already have been knowing them, and then growing with them and observing the world with them. [00:36:11] Speaker C: I disagree a little bit. I do think there's this fun. No, I mean. I mean, I just did meet someone who's polyamorous, and that's a whole fucking difference story. [00:36:21] Speaker B: Open that can of worms later. [00:36:22] Speaker C: Yeah. Yeah, I do think there is a fun. And in exploring someone new, and especially when you've been around, you kind of know the same people over time. And when you meet someone who really is just, wow, you know? Like, I. The person I met recently, it's just wow. Like, you are spectacular. And it's not that you're different, but everyone has something that they like more in a person. Like, I like someone who's an extrovert, or I like someone who's interested in the same things I'm interested in. [00:36:47] Speaker A: You see, what you're doing, though, is you're giving this person the same sort of attention that you gave Flipper because you're like, oh, there's. There's. They make me feel so good. They're so different. They're so special. Like, you're giving them this attention and they're thriving off of it, just like Flipper did. They thrive off of girls just loving them and wanting them and giving them attention and nurturing them. They're thriving off that. This person, you told me about him, he's polyamorous, but not in the sense where there's other men involved. It's just, he wants just multiple women. [00:37:23] Speaker C: Wow. [00:37:23] Speaker A: And he doesn't. [00:37:23] Speaker C: That hasn't been discussed. [00:37:25] Speaker A: I know we're gonna put a pin in this, but I'm just saying for the point, he doesn't want other women to be seeing other men, so you can't have both. [00:37:32] Speaker C: Now. I do want to say, though, listen, the difference is now, in the past, when I put Flipper on a pedestal, I thought he was the only one. And we were. I saw a future, another thing in toxic relationship, future faking. We're going to have kids together. We're going to, you know, you create this life that is assumed. The difference now is this person is amazing. This person is cool. But I truly deep down know I can meet someone else who I also love, who is maybe different, but your. [00:37:59] Speaker A: Own maturity and I. [00:38:00] Speaker C: Right. I think that's growing up and the difference between finding love as a young person or finding a partner. [00:38:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Because it's like, you realize that, like, dating doesn't always have to lead to marriage, right. At this age, like, you could date someone just for the time being, and then that's it. It doesn't have to be this, like, huge life plan that you have to, like, change everything and become a new person. Like, just date them until you literally, this is my rule of thumb. Like, date them until the cons. There's cons and pros and everything. Date this person until the cons outweigh the pros and then cut them off like a line of coke. It's that simple. But it's easier said than done because. [00:38:33] Speaker A: But, yeah, but then you also can't think if you're always thinking. Also, there's. The flip side of the coin is thinking you can find better, or thinking that if someone's flawed in any way, that that's going to be a problem. You have to find someone who's going to check all the boxes, then you're never going to find someone. I think that's the flip side of the coin. Because. [00:38:52] Speaker C: No, I agree. There is that. Because some people, like, you know, like Valentine's Day is coming up. I hear a lot of people it passed. [00:39:00] Speaker A: It passed. It passed. [00:39:02] Speaker C: Did it? [00:39:02] Speaker A: It didn't. But in the, in the podcast worlds. [00:39:04] Speaker C: Because this episode, it passed. Right? So some of you didn't get the flowers in the hotel room with roses that you wanted. He's done. He's clipped, right? I feel like there is this image of the perfect guy with gifts and this and that. [00:39:18] Speaker B: Well, he's not real, right? [00:39:20] Speaker C: No, I mean, he. Somewhere, maybe, I think that because he's. [00:39:25] Speaker A: Doing that, but he could also be love bombing, and he has other. He's compensating for other issues that he has. [00:39:30] Speaker B: Because, like, the perfect guy, according to my analysis of just, like, hearing my, like, girlfriends talk about what their ideal perfect guy is, it all boils down to having money. He takes me out, he buys me flowers, he gets me presents. It all boils down to having money. Having money is wonderful, but, like, that doesn't mean you're perfect. There's so many shitty things that someone with money could do. Meanwhile, you could find an amazing, sweet, vulnerable guy who's capable of loving and is going to be a great father, but doesn't have a dime to his name. So it's like, yeah, he's not going to get you flowers and shit, but he could just be this, like, perfect person for you. And you're overlooking it because he doesn't check off the certain boxes that society has told you to expect in a manner. [00:40:08] Speaker A: Agreed. Yeah. [00:40:09] Speaker B: So it's, you know, and then the. [00:40:10] Speaker A: Other flip side is what I think you go through, which is looking at the boxes that are checked and highlighting them to such a degree that you. That you are blinded by the light, the highlighter light, this, like, neon bright yellow highlighter, fluorescent sharpie that all the other boxes that are not checked and, like, should be checked are just being smothered by the brightness of the light that you put on. I think that's how I know it is. [00:40:40] Speaker C: And it is because I would deeply know, like, this is not the person for me. Like, and for four years or whatever it was, you know, obviously, at first, there was. We were deep in love, or so I thought I would be fully like, fuck you, or fucking done. And then just like, drugs, you know, like, or the vape. A lot of people are on the vape, right? You get to a point where you're like, this is so bad for me. Fuck this. You throw it down, and then as you slowly, the day progresses. Damn. But, like, oh, you think about another metaphor. [00:41:10] Speaker B: It makes me feel so good. It lays in bed with me. [00:41:13] Speaker C: It doesn't judge me. You wake up. It's right there for you to grab. You know, when you think about love. [00:41:18] Speaker B: Addiction, I've never heard that word before, and I love it because I've recently realized. This is a little off topic, so I'll make it quick. But I've recently realized that I am addicted to everything that I do. [00:41:27] Speaker A: Yeah, since you haven't heard of that word, it's an actual thing. Should I search it and then say the definition for those of us who haven't heard the term? [00:41:36] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:36] Speaker C: Yes. [00:41:37] Speaker A: Love addicts create fixations and compulsions in love interests and can play itself out in unhealthy behaviors toward loved ones. Love addicts, can people please putting the needs of others before their own. It can result in divorce affairs, poor job performance, relationship conflict, poor concentration of everyday tasks. Enmeshment. Enmeshment. [00:41:59] Speaker B: I'm assuming that means, like, becoming part of the relationship. [00:42:02] Speaker A: Wow. What a strong word. Like, meshing. Blending. Enmeshment. [00:42:08] Speaker C: We meshed last night. [00:42:11] Speaker A: Clinginess, emotional distress, emotional highs such as intense passion, and emotional lows like intense disappointment or heartbreak can eventually strain the relationship, resulting in resentment. Consequently, love addiction may have intense elements of a lack of control present in other addictions, such as sex addiction or chemical addiction. Girl, signs of love addiction. Needing to be in love, putting the romantic partner on a pedestal. Check. Check. Rachel. [00:42:40] Speaker C: Obsessing. [00:42:42] Speaker A: Obsessing over romantic interest. What do you think? [00:42:47] Speaker C: I think that was Rachel as of, like. Yeah. [00:42:52] Speaker A: Yeah. That doesn't seem like you anymore. [00:42:53] Speaker B: Unevolved Rachel. [00:42:55] Speaker C: It was, like, me from, like, 16, like, to, like, a month ago. [00:43:00] Speaker B: But we're different now. [00:43:01] Speaker A: Experiencing cravings, withdrawals, euphoria, and dependency on their partner chat. [00:43:07] Speaker B: Um, I feel like I have not been in properly in love to where I've had to deal with that. But I know for a second the fact I do. That's gonna be me. [00:43:16] Speaker C: Wait, so you guys don't feel like. Have you ever felt the love addiction? [00:43:20] Speaker B: I have. [00:43:20] Speaker A: No. [00:43:20] Speaker B: I've never really truly been in love because, like, I've only been, like, infatuated with my ex. I think, like, looking back, like, I was obsessed and it was unhealthy, but. [00:43:28] Speaker C: I don't think I was, in a way. [00:43:30] Speaker B: Like, I've never had somebody love me. I'll put it that way. I know it sounds sad, but it just is a reality. And I believe that, like, love is a two sided, like, conversation. So I just don't think that I've been in love before. [00:43:42] Speaker A: But also, I think if it's an addiction. [00:43:46] Speaker C: It's particular. [00:43:47] Speaker A: Like, not everyone has love addiction. Everyone has a history of love and a history of hurt, but not everybody has a love addiction. [00:43:53] Speaker B: I will say I think I'm addicted to the idea of love. Like, I'm not in love, so I can't say, like, oh, I'm addicted to love, but, like, I'm addicted to the idea of being in love. Like, every time I look at a person, I'm like, are you my husband? Are you? Like. [00:44:04] Speaker C: But that's the same thing, I think. [00:44:05] Speaker A: Yeah, because I don't think, Mike, I don't think you have love addiction just because when your relationship ended, it really ended. Rachel, despite all the bumps in the road, she continued going back. I felt like you continued going back to flipper because you just couldn't handle being alone. No matter how bad things got, you continued to go back. Like, you would rather go back than spend a second alone at home. That's how it seemed to me. [00:44:34] Speaker C: Um, yes, maybe I'll go a little dark here, but I remember this time, I had just found out he cheated on me for, like, the third or fourth time. Or it could have been the first or second, but basically, usually when you find out someone cheats on you, it's fuck you. You know? You think you wouldn't see him for a week or two or three or forever. That night, I slept at his house and stayed with him. And when I tell you, like, I laid there with him, like, holding ham and just, this is my man. I know. I thought to myself, I was like, this has to be the last time, Rachel. Like, this has to be the last time. [00:45:08] Speaker A: Like a drug. Like, you're literally having to tell yourself, no, no, no, no. [00:45:13] Speaker C: Usually, you know, there should be the switch of fuck you. I was like, Rachel, you have to leave. You have to leave. And I remember just feeling like that part of me that tells right or wrong. Like, that part just floated away. And it was just this sinking ness of, I can't leave. And I just accepted that the drug, right? I took that drug, and I was like, I rather. I mean, you know, there'd be times where we're showering together, we're enjoying each other's company. I'd be like, oh, wait, this can be good. But. And those are the moments you always hold on to, obviously. And that's what. That's the. That's the fucked up part. And they even say, you know, I've been to rehab. They say with addiction, you put your hand on a hot stove, right? Your body's supposed to tell you, don't do that again. You know, with addiction, it's, you put your hand on a hot stove, then you just forget why. Why you shouldn't do that. You know, because the drug or whatever is so good or whatever it is, that part of you, that. That instinct is, like, totally disappeared, and that's part of addiction, is not. Your body's not functioning the way it should. Of this is wrong for me. Get rid of it. [00:46:16] Speaker A: Because I think that about a fire is that that causes immediate pain. But I think the thing about drugs, where anything that causes that dopamine or serotonin or whatever the fuck, that you feel good in the moment. So I feel like you're yearning for the pleasure that it gives you in the moment. It's long term effects, like a fire that's gonna hit you immediately, whereas something like this, it's having a long term emotional effect on your well being. [00:46:41] Speaker C: And it's really bad, because anytime I wanted to see my friends, my family, I was made to feel so guilty. I'd be like, you know, babe, I'm gonna go out with my friends tonight. This, like, immediate negative energy just exuding out of him of, like, I felt like shit and that I was a piece of shit for just wanting to go see my friends to the point that. And it's like, you give up your power. Because I would be like, what the fuck? Like, why can't I see my friends? Da da da da. And eventually, every single time that you want to do something for yourself, it's a fight. It's negative. So at a point, I just gave up. I was like, I stopped hitting at my friends. I stopped even trying because I was like, I know this is leading to a fight. Like, I'm just gonna let go of even my family, even family events, you know, like, it was like I was made to feel bad to go see my family, and they know what they're doing. They exclude you from your entire life to where you're a shell and you're nothing. [00:47:33] Speaker A: Abuse? [00:47:35] Speaker B: Yeah. I'm gonna say, yeah, no. Like, not allowing your partner to have a life outside of you is abuse. [00:47:43] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not allowing you to have any independence. [00:47:46] Speaker C: And they put a front if they're ever asked. Yeah, she's whatever. She could do what she wants. But, no, it's not like he was like, you can't go. It's like, you're really gonna go and leave me when I'm depressed and I'm suicidal. Like, you know, there. There was a weekend I wanted to go out with my friends, and he literally said to me, when you come back, I might not be here. [00:48:05] Speaker B: My ex used to do that shit to me too. [00:48:06] Speaker C: Classic. [00:48:07] Speaker A: That's really bad. [00:48:08] Speaker C: The fear of, like, you being the cause of someone's death. Like, how traumatic and awful is that? Because you want to go. Go to fucking brunch, right? [00:48:17] Speaker A: And I remember going out to eat and he was there and his vibe was not good. He didn't attempt to enjoy his time. That's another part of relationship, I think, is that, like, you have to give a shit about the people in your partner's life and you have to care enough to pretend, at least pretend that you like them or you're enjoying your time. [00:48:36] Speaker B: Your friends make you happy. If he wants you to be happy, he should want you to. Even if he doesn't get along with your friends, he should still be able to just be like, all right, it is part of the role. I just gotta go along and smile and show my face. If he's unable to feel uncomfortable for 1 second without making it all about him. [00:48:53] Speaker C: Girl, I was always willing. I wanted him to go out with his friends. I wanted him to have fun. Loving somebody is wanting them to be happy regardless of how you feel. Like, having true and utter just respect and love for somebody rather than needing them for your own selfish desires. [00:49:10] Speaker A: It's as simple as just being like, yeah, like, they're out with the boys or she's out with the girls. [00:49:16] Speaker B: But clearly he's a cheater and a nasty person, so he has a guilty conscience and he doesn't understand what it's like to be a good person. So you're out with your friends, but he's probably like, oh, she's fucking somebody. [00:49:27] Speaker C: Yeah. [00:49:27] Speaker A: Because if he was out, he wouldn't just be out. He would be out fishing for women to fall in love with him. [00:49:33] Speaker C: But honestly, I do think too, a big thing that really showed me. Wow. There was this one night I was like, I want to go out. He was bugging me about it, you know, I was feeling like, fuck, what do I do? My friends. Your friends start to get upset with you. Like, you know, we have plans, what's going on? And it's hard to tell them. Like, my boyfriend is literally, like, making me feel like the devil for wanting to go out with you. There was this one time, you know, we were fighting, blah, blah. He gets a call from his friend, hey. Like, and he didn't really have a lot of friends, but the one friend that had called him immediately, he was like, okay, you can go out. You can go out. It wasn't even about. He didn't want me to, like, it was like he didn't want to be alone, so he wanted to drag me with him all day, every day when he had something else to do was like, okay, do whatever you want. I'm not even a person being respected. I'm like a toy. I'm, like, being used like a fucking doll. [00:50:23] Speaker A: And I guess it's one of those things that happens slowly over time where you're. You can't recognize it up front. [00:50:28] Speaker C: And then that is the trauma of you don't know who you can trust. You don't know who you can. Because it does feel so real when it's good. And that's the high of it, and that's, like, the fuck up of it. [00:50:38] Speaker A: Gaslighting would be him making you out to be the devil, right? That's what gaslighting is. [00:50:45] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:50:45] Speaker C: I don't really know how to explain this. [00:50:47] Speaker A: Yeah, gaslighting is hard to explain sometimes because it's a word that's thrown around a lot. But when it really happens, I think at the depth I would imagine, it. [00:50:55] Speaker C: Happens so bad to the point that you don't know who you are. You don't know what's real, what's not real. Like, all I remember is just sitting there feeling so confused, like, am I crazy? Am I the problem? [00:51:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:51:08] Speaker C: You know, and that's exactly what they want to do, whether they know it or not. Maybe they're just, like, fucking psycho. [00:51:13] Speaker B: That's the thing, is they could do it subconsciously. There's still a problem. Oh, it's not intentional. It doesn't matter what the intentions are. If it's happening, it's still an issue, right? [00:51:21] Speaker C: It's like, why do you want to see your friends and not me? That's the gaslighting. You want to see your friends and not me. You wanna. You don't wanna be around me. You don't wanna, like, care for me when I'm going through something, you know? Meanwhile, you simply just wanna see your friends. Now, all of a sudden, am I. Am I not caring for them? [00:51:41] Speaker B: I'm not showing him enough love? [00:51:42] Speaker C: And then you end up trying to give them more to compensate for what they gaslight you with. And then at that point, you just give up everything. You are a slave to them. [00:51:51] Speaker A: Cause in order to heal whatever you've done wrong means giving the little bit left that you had to yourself away. [00:51:59] Speaker C: And then that is the hardest part, I think, about leaving. It's because you gave so much trying to save a relationship. You're left with nothing. You're left with, like, having to completely rebuild your life, you know? And that's why I think the biggest lesson to learn in, like, life hack, never give someone. Never give someone 100%. And that's not. Not loving someone 100%. That's just a self respect. And you never know, you know, what can happen. Like, you need to keep your hobbies. And with love addiction, I notice a lot of my friends, even, like, they're constantly focused on a guy, and I was that person. Constantly focused on the love. You give up on what makes you happy. Aside from love and sex, what are you interested in? What is it? What do you want to do? [00:52:41] Speaker A: Having an identity. Do you have an identity outside of this person and multiple circles of life? [00:52:48] Speaker B: That's where the meshing comes in. [00:52:50] Speaker A: Yeah, the meshing. The. What was it called? [00:52:53] Speaker B: Enmeshing. [00:52:54] Speaker A: Enmeshing. [00:52:55] Speaker C: But I promise you, anyone out there leaving them, because they fill up so much of your heart, when that goes, there's this void. What is filled is so much abundance, you know? Yes. It's not one big thing that's going to come and fill that void immediately, but over time, little pieces and little things will fill that to where instead of one piece that has half your heart, it's a million different things I love. And if one piece of that puzzle piece falls, you still have all the other puzzle pieces there. You'll never be left. [00:53:24] Speaker B: Huge hole was my name in college. [00:53:28] Speaker C: I think we all go through a difficult relationship. If you haven't, it's coming. I'm sorry, but I do think it is important to find, at least for me, I didn't realize what my identity is until I lost it. [00:53:40] Speaker A: And that's the other thing. I think not everyone's going to experience love addiction, and not everyone's gonna experience abuse. The thing is, I think that you. You were always a troubled child. No, I'm just kidding. But, like, you were young, so that's like, 16, this happening, and you were already going through. I feel like. I don't know if you were going through anything actually at the time, but were you doing drugs yet? [00:54:05] Speaker C: At 16, I was. I will say I was going through just normal high school girl. She had. [00:54:13] Speaker A: Rachel had some struggles in high school with depression and shit. She already had these predetermined. What's that insurance word? Pre something. Predetermines addiction, predisposition. What I'm just trying to say is that certain people might be predisposed. If you're young and you're struggling or if you've been struggling for, like, a long time, that you've just lost yourself, then you might just be vulnerable to a situation as such. And then I feel like guys like this are hunting for it, for insecure. That's another. I actually have my own experience with a narcissist, not through a romantic relationship, but just knowing this person close and personal. And they only thrived when they were around insecure people. They could not function with any sense of confidence, happiness, whatever. If they were around confident people, you know, like, they needed to be around insecure people who are, like, little shy, closed off that. [00:55:19] Speaker C: Ooh, you said it, girl. That is the biggest thing. And I don't know if that's narcissist or toxic or whatever. I feel like a lot of people are like, my boyfriend's a narcissist. [00:55:28] Speaker B: People throw words around. [00:55:30] Speaker C: Yeah, I don't want to go and throw that word around. I'll say narcissistic traits. But it is so crazy, because the most. And when I tell you, when I met Flipper, he seemed like the most confident person. These narcissistic and toxic people seem so confident. You know, I wasn't secure. These. You look up to it, but as you mature and, you know, you see right through these people, it's all a facade. A confident person doesn't need to stand there and tell everybody that they're the best in the room. [00:55:59] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:55:59] Speaker C: And a real, true, confident person will know that and see that and stray away. You know, they're just going to see a person flexing and this and that and be like, okay, this guy's a clown. But for someone who's insecure, when this person's like, yeah, I. [00:56:12] Speaker B: You know, I'm great, and I'm cool. [00:56:14] Speaker A: When you're insecure, this person seems like the tribe leader. Like, they're gonna catch, they're gonna go out hunting, they're gonna find, kill an animal, and then bring back the food to the tribe and. And provide for the tribe and for your maybe future child. I don't know if I'm getting too. [00:56:31] Speaker C: A little weird and biological here. [00:56:34] Speaker B: Weird and biological. [00:56:36] Speaker A: I do believe that there is an essence to sort of the bad boy thing of them seeming like the tribe leader. [00:56:42] Speaker B: I get what you mean. [00:56:43] Speaker A: And then when you mature, you realize that the tribe leader, it's a more silent, humble confidence. Like, yeah, whatever, it's fine. [00:56:51] Speaker B: Maya couldn't lead no fucking tribe. He couldn't lead nothing. [00:56:54] Speaker A: Yeah, but it takes maturing to realize that they're not a tribe leader. They just had the illusion of being a tribe leader. Does that make sense? [00:57:01] Speaker B: Yes, it does make sense. Yeah. [00:57:03] Speaker C: Because even, you know, flipper, like, like, his thing was, and I will say, like, he, you know, he was bullied when he was super young. And then I think that he put up this illusion of big, big boy drug dealer and big boy this, big boy that in high school. That's cool. As you grow older, people see that. That's not, that's not it. That's not what's cool. That's not what's it anymore. And slowly but surely, he lost so many friends. When I tell you, like, people did not. Even the friends, like, they did not want to be around him. Like, I could sit there, like, hanging out with him was pity for these people. It was so sad to see, like. [00:57:36] Speaker A: And you were the one thing that showed him those eyes of love and care. [00:57:41] Speaker C: Yeah. Because it. And he needed handled for their ego to be stroked, like, being rejected and. [00:57:47] Speaker A: Being God for not stroked, then they can't handle for their ego to be. [00:57:51] Speaker C: Shattered or tested because it's so fragile. Because at the end of the day, there's a million confident people out there. They need to be around insecure people. [00:57:58] Speaker A: So that they're the confident people on or fake. [00:58:03] Speaker B: Yeah, the. The cosplayers. The confident cosplayers need to be around insecure people. But truly confident people could just be confident because they love themselves. [00:58:10] Speaker A: They don't need young, insecure girls. [00:58:14] Speaker B: If you're truly confident, you know, you don't need validation from anybody or anything. If you are just genuinely a confident person. Yeah. [00:58:23] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:58:23] Speaker B: For sale at Perturb Dot. No, I'm kidding. We don't have a website yet, but we'll work it out. [00:58:29] Speaker A: We're coming for you narcissistic bitches. Here's a question. How should we talk to narcissistic people? What do we say to them if we ever come in contact? Or do we avoid them at all costs? [00:58:42] Speaker C: Avoid? [00:58:43] Speaker B: Like I said before, I like to go through life easy. And I'm not a believer of necessarily being 100% real all the time, so I just. Uh huh. I do a lot of smiling and nodding and just, like, whatever to get them away from me. I would never let this person know me well or let them into my soul deep enough to, like, affect me as a human. But just to get through a conversation I find myself with a narcissist or someone with narcissistic tendencies to just play along and make them feel great, because I don't want to be standing there in front of someone while their ego's crumbling and shattering and they're spiraling. I'm like, I don't want to clean up your mess. [00:59:16] Speaker C: Like, oh, you're a bystander, though. [00:59:18] Speaker B: Because I'm like, whatever. Like, if it was someone that I cared about, maybe I talked to them. But if it's just a stranger and I'm talking to this person in the bar, and I could tell they're, like, have narcissistic tendencies, and they think they're, like, better than everyone around them. Whatever. I'm just, oh, whatever. [00:59:30] Speaker A: I think probably the most healthiest. I think. I don't know. But my guess is the probably most healthiest thing to do is to watch them almost like a movie. Like, separate. They're a separate thing to observe, like an exotic animal. [00:59:44] Speaker B: I also believe that the person that you were with that's a narcissist is not good for you. And I also do think narcissists exist. So, like, if I'm talking to someone that's a narcissist in the bar, they're not affecting me in any way. So I'm not gonna be like, you're a monster. Like, I'm just gonna talk to you. Like I would talk to anybody else. Narcissists exists. Like, they deserve to be able to, like, have, I guess, want a healthy, normal conversation with someone in a bar and not have it be like, this is my moment to confront a narcissist. Like, that's just how I feel personally. [01:00:13] Speaker C: No, you're right. [01:00:13] Speaker A: Oh, that's a good point. Cause I do have that thought of, like, you know, I would be a good person if I told them that their behavior is not correct. [01:00:21] Speaker B: I realize I have millennial qualities. [01:00:23] Speaker C: To me, I remember this narcissist I was with, Flipper. He was bipolar. He's bipolar. There would be times when he's manic. He would be so crazy. To the point I'd sit there, like, jaw dropped. Like, this is so cringe just looking. [01:00:36] Speaker B: At someone like, oh, my God. I'm looking in the eyes of a crazy person. [01:00:38] Speaker C: Yeah. I'm looking around the room, like, is anybody, like, vibing with this kid? Like, what the fuck? And these people will be like, yeah, cool, dude. And I was like, so, yeah. [01:00:49] Speaker B: Like, yeah. [01:00:50] Speaker C: And I'm sitting there like, what is going on? And I. I ended up asking one of these people, like, later on, I was like, do you actually think he's fucking cool? And this kid was like, nah, just. I just see right through him. I'm just. I don't have the energy like you and. But that kid gassed up flipper so hard. Like, flipper flipped off later about it, and that's just frustrating. [01:01:10] Speaker B: Flipper flipped off. [01:01:12] Speaker A: Why did he. [01:01:12] Speaker C: Flipper went off. No, it like. Like, whatever he was. Happiness. [01:01:17] Speaker A: You know what? [01:01:17] Speaker C: Like, his dick was stroked. [01:01:19] Speaker A: Because guy probably also didn't want to see his ego shatter. He didn't want to deal with that, so he just took the easy. [01:01:26] Speaker C: Right? But these people take it as like, yeah, people love me. [01:01:29] Speaker B: Like, I don't. I don't blame people. [01:01:31] Speaker C: Just see the real you. But I get it. Like, what way is there? Because it's also know him, but for me on the other side of him, like, please. [01:01:39] Speaker A: No, but if we're going back to the people where whispering behind people's back, they need to be humbled. Right? Like, someone needs to be confronted about their behavior or they're gonna continue that behavior. Then guys like this, like, their egos being about to shatter all the time. Like chalk. Like, they're literally just walking chalk. [01:01:58] Speaker B: If they drop, they're a gingerbread man. [01:02:00] Speaker A: Literally, like, they'll. The level of shatter that they'll experience is like, you just don't wanna. You don't wanna step in it. It's gonna be a puddle around you, you know? [01:02:10] Speaker B: Cause that thing. Narcissists don't chatter quietly. They make it everyone's problem. [01:02:14] Speaker A: Right? Right. So I think everybody avoids that. So then they just go around life just living. [01:02:21] Speaker B: I mean, it depends on what mood I'm in. Like, sometimes I'm in the mood to be like, the fuck you said or whatever, but sometimes, most of the time, I'm in the mood to just, like, get my next drink and, like, be merry and, like, move on. [01:02:32] Speaker C: But I'm having this, like, moment of, like, maybe they just need to be laughed at across the room. [01:02:38] Speaker B: Yeah, like, maybe there's a time. Wait. There's a time and a place for everything. And there's a time and a place for the giggles. [01:02:44] Speaker A: They need to have those bitches whispering and rolling their eyes in front of their faces. [01:02:49] Speaker B: The bitches that perturbed you, that shit talk and whisper need to be put on the same island as all the narcissists. And all of them could just, like, fight to the death. [01:02:56] Speaker C: Yes. This needs to happen. Is this a new love island? [01:02:59] Speaker B: It's the new love island. [01:03:01] Speaker C: We could save the world this way. [01:03:02] Speaker B: It's necessary. [01:03:03] Speaker C: We could just save bitches from trauma. [01:03:05] Speaker A: Oh, my God. What kind of drama that would create? [01:03:09] Speaker C: That would be hell. [01:03:10] Speaker A: They would all be butting heads. A fight scene. [01:03:12] Speaker B: I would watch it. [01:03:13] Speaker A: That's a great idea. [01:03:14] Speaker B: Jot that down. Jot that down. Yo, I'm on the phone with my publicist. [01:03:18] Speaker C: Yeah, no, they need that. So I guess it really does depend. [01:03:21] Speaker A: I don't know. That's why I want to think about if I ever meet a narcissist. How do you say it without. [01:03:26] Speaker C: You're not deaf friend. [01:03:30] Speaker A: Or also narcissists have this thing of being a pity party. Like romanticizing the darkness and being misunderstood. Like, I'm just a misunderstood rose in the rain. [01:03:42] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Katy Perry. Someone get Katy Perry on the phone over it. [01:03:46] Speaker A: Yeah, literally. [01:03:49] Speaker B: Where were we? I have started just self identifying as a narcissist just to make life easier for me. There's a lot of situations where just going, I'm a narcissist. It just works and helps. It's easy. I don't think I am. I'm not a narcissist. I know I'm not a narcissist, but you have to put yourself first. And I feel like we live in a world where people value selflessness too much. And I feel like we need to start valuing some selfish behaviors and putting yourself first. And if you have 10%, don't give nine of it to other people. Save ten of it for yourself. [01:04:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [01:04:24] Speaker B: So I feel like sometimes having narcissistic tendencies of, no, I don't care about other people right now. I have to focus on myself, and I have to put myself first. And other people's feelings can come second. Sometimes, if used appropriately, it can be very healthy, I think. [01:04:36] Speaker C: I agree. I agree. But that's really just. [01:04:38] Speaker B: That's just people shit. That's not narcissistic shit. Narcissist shit is like a disorder, and they need to, like, figure that shit out. [01:04:43] Speaker C: Something I looked up to, and what I noticed is there's been times where I've been crying in front of him and something dark I'll say, you know, my mom had passed. I remember saying. I was talking about it. I was crying about it. And he said to me, can you stop talking about this? It's triggering me from my past and my friends that I've lost. And something I looked up about that, too, is a narcissist. They can see somebody crying. When you see someone crying, usually you feel their pain. You feel like deep down sadness for them. They don't feel that. They don't feel like, fuck. They don't feel upset. It's just like, oh, this person's crying. Like, it's all about him. [01:05:19] Speaker A: You're crying, and that's making me upset. So that's a problem. [01:05:22] Speaker B: That's the thing. It goes back to how easily they shatter. I think it's so important as human beings that we are uncomfortable a lot of the time and not everything is going to be comfortable. If your friend is going through something rough and they're crying in front of you and it makes you feel uncomfortable, that's fine. Be uncomfortable. Because that person needs to just have you next to them for whatever reason. [01:05:40] Speaker C: Sometimes you don't know what to do, and that's the uncomfortable of it. There's not always an answer, but you sit there with them and you feel their pain with them. [01:05:47] Speaker B: Sometimes the answer is there is no answer. And we just have to sit here and be uncomfortable and weird. [01:05:51] Speaker C: They can't do it because it's not about them. Because they want people to be uncomfortable for them. They want to make their story, this tragic story, you know, so people can feel bad. They want emotion from people paying attention to them. Oh, yeah. Like, get over yourself, you stupid cunt bitches. Get over it. [01:06:10] Speaker B: Get over it. [01:06:11] Speaker C: Build a damn bridge and get over it. [01:06:14] Speaker B: Cry me a river and then build a bridge and then get over it. As much as he's a sex symbol, I don't want to be the dirty bubble from SpongeBob. It's. It's the high school production of rent. It's the high school production of rent. Like, opening sequence. Me, me, me, iii. It's narcissism. It's garbage. It's played out. It's corny. So. [01:06:33] Speaker C: Yo, Michael, when I tell you. Michael, when I. So I. We went on a date, right? Like a double date with your toxic ex as well. [01:06:41] Speaker B: So embarrass Roebuck. I don't even remember this. They met. Oh, wait, that feels like it was such a weird crossover that I probably blinked out on purpose. [01:06:50] Speaker C: This is, like, victorious and icarly coming together. [01:06:52] Speaker B: It's like the narcissists of all narcissists just in one room with, like, the wounded, depressed bitches. [01:06:58] Speaker C: Like, at the 304 diner. [01:06:59] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Okay, wait. Tell the story because I forgot we. [01:07:03] Speaker C: Were at a diner. And I remember we were both with our exes and I just remember being like, isn't he great? Isn't he great? Because we were, you know, we would laugh. We would touch each other. Like, uncomfortable. [01:07:14] Speaker B: You're talking about not. That's why I couldn't remember it. Yeah, we'll blink that part out. But just so you know. [01:07:20] Speaker C: But, yeah, so we were with Flipper, and I remember just being like, he's so awesome. Like, oh, my God. Like, I was so excited that I had a guy. Like, I. You know, I was vibing to someone. I just. I thought that you would see how exciting it was. And you were like, he put his hand out, right? And he pretended to chop up cope, and he sniffed it, and he said, that's what you need to do. Chop that bitch up and get rid of it. [01:07:44] Speaker B: Yeah, I kept doing that to you. I was like, rachel, you gotta chop that bitch up like this and cut that bitch off. [01:07:51] Speaker C: Throughout this four years, every time I would see Michael, Michael would pretend to be nice to him. Right. It's so funny. [01:07:57] Speaker B: Cause I enable narcissism, apparently. [01:07:58] Speaker C: No. Yeah. To this day, I'm pretty sure that flipper thinks that you guys are. [01:08:02] Speaker B: No, he thinks we're in love. Yeah. [01:08:03] Speaker C: Yes. He'd be like, oh, my God, Michael. Like, I love him. I can't help. [01:08:07] Speaker B: Like, I just, like. To my detriment, I just, like, can't let people be uncomfortable in front of me. So I'm just, like, an enabler in every way. But that's okay. [01:08:13] Speaker C: That's okay. You mean the best. But every time he would think that you were vibing, everything was good. And he would side eye me and do this little chopping up of coke just, like, on the sideline, like, you know, like these bitches we were talking about before, but in, like, code. Like, it was coated so that he wouldn't know. But it was just the funniest thing. Like, you knew this whole time and. [01:08:34] Speaker B: But also, like I said, like, easier said than done. Like, I knew when I was, like, chopping off, like, a line of coke, obviously. Like, I knew it wouldn't work that way. I was just being like, girl, no. Girl. No. Also, because, like, at the end of it all, you ended up deeper and darker with him than I ever was with my ex. But at the time, when it was first born, I literally remember crying to this stranger. At this time, I was so uncomfortable around men, too. The fact that I was that vulnerable to cry to a stranger man was just crazy to me because I was looking at him and I was like, oh, my God. Like, I see everything. I see the future. Like, this person is so bad. I know everything already. [01:09:07] Speaker A: But you cried to him. [01:09:09] Speaker B: I cried to flipper. I cried. Two flippers. [01:09:11] Speaker A: What did you say to him the. [01:09:12] Speaker B: First day I met him? I was like, you just. I. You remind me so much of my ex. I know that. I literally talked about the facade. I talked about, like, I just knew this person right away when I met him. [01:09:22] Speaker A: You told him that he was a narcissist. [01:09:24] Speaker B: I didn't say you were a narcissist. But I was like, I know what you're doing. Like, you're trying to be thug. Because my boyfriend, also my ex, was, like, in that scene and in jail and shit. Like, I just. I was like, you're trying to be this person, but you're not. You're a sensitive little broken soul. And I like. Like, you're putting on cosplaying this, like, bad boy thing, and, like, I just see a slippery slope for you in the future and, like, da da da. [01:09:43] Speaker C: Oh, shit. So you were, like, trying to help him. [01:09:45] Speaker B: Be, like, I was trying to, like, help him. And then also turning to you and be like, rachel, don't get involved, because you and me are very similar, and you're a little younger than me. Not to, like, make it about that. But I was like, oh, my God. I'm watching this person go through what I went through. [01:09:57] Speaker A: But when I met him, I think when I met him, met him for the first time, Rachel was really excited. She's like. Cause I feel like you've been wanting him to come to family, meet the family for a while. And it was always like no one wanted to meet him, which I felt bad about. But I also felt like the boy. Like, our brothers, they're like these macho men. They would try to fight with fists, you know? Cause they're like, fight like a real man. And he would pull out a knife or some shit. Like, he's a weirdo like that. Like, he wouldn't fight. And then I felt like. I felt concerned about our brothers meeting him, right. [01:10:34] Speaker C: Oh, that was a big fear. [01:10:35] Speaker B: That is scary. [01:10:36] Speaker A: Cause I would not. I. They definitely could hurt him if it was a fair fight, but not if he. Cause he's a weirdo. That would. I feel like, pull out a knife. [01:10:44] Speaker B: It's school shooter vibes. [01:10:45] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:10:46] Speaker A: When I met him, I remember thinking, oh, he's not a threat. He's just young. I don't want to be mean. Just in case you ever get back together with him. And then I have to see him. But, like, I remember just thinking, there's he. I feel like I'm talking to someone that I was talking to when I was 15. Of all this time since I was that age, hanging out with people like that, he must have gone through some change. But, like, talking to him and meeting him, I realized that, like, he wasn't. But I remember, like, you were like, I think you felt weird about me telling you that he was a boy. [01:11:21] Speaker B: But the moment I perceived him, like, that too. Like, he was, like, a wounded, sensitive little boy that, like, cosplayed as, like, a thug not to, like, discredit his thuggery, because I don't want him to come. [01:11:32] Speaker C: No, like, I'm a real thug. I want him to hear this. I want to text him. Go to an hour and a half in and listen to this point. Everyone perceives you as a little child, you stupid bitch. [01:11:44] Speaker B: It's not inherently negative to be, like, young seeming or 26, though. [01:11:50] Speaker C: Can I tell you something just really quick? If he had grown up really hard and not saying he had it great, like, so easy, but if you had grown up in the streets and whatever, I would understand it when I tell you. I would wake up. I slept in his house all the time. I would wake up, his dad would be rocking him. Oh, flipper, wake up. I have your coffee and breakfast made. Wake up. [01:12:10] Speaker B: Yeah. That's why he's, like, cosplaying. [01:12:12] Speaker C: I'm like, this kid is adult man is being woken. I'm not even being woken up. I have to get my fucking self. You know what? [01:12:20] Speaker A: His parents, I feel like, probably spoiled the fuck out of him and made him in totally dependent on the care of others. Sorry to say. They're probably very nice people, but, like. [01:12:29] Speaker C: They'Re extremely nice people. But the dramatic part of it, if they don't help, he's gonna, like, end up dead. [01:12:35] Speaker B: Is he an only child? [01:12:36] Speaker C: No, he has two siblings, younger or older. [01:12:38] Speaker A: Oh, I didn't know that. [01:12:39] Speaker C: One younger, one older. [01:12:41] Speaker A: Did they live in the house? [01:12:42] Speaker C: Oh, yeah, they do. [01:12:43] Speaker A: What did they. [01:12:44] Speaker C: Siblings are all fucking normal. I don't understand. He just wants to be cool so bad. People want to be different. So bad. What's so wrong about being regular? [01:12:54] Speaker B: Yeah, Joe Schmoe is, like, a great person. [01:12:56] Speaker A: It's the bitches who are, like, normies. They're just a normie. [01:13:02] Speaker B: Also, like, being, like, systemically different from most people is, like, a hard thing. [01:13:08] Speaker C: Yeah. If you're really different, you're gonna feel that. [01:13:10] Speaker B: Yeah. [01:13:11] Speaker A: Also, everyone's going through their own struggle to perceive yourself as being specifically going through hardship that no one else can understand. I don't want to say that's narcissistic or selfish, but it's just too self involved. Like, if you ever took the time to talk to people and give a shit about their stories and listen to their stories, instead of talking about your own stories and your own hardships, then you would actually come to realize that other people have problems just like you do and that you're not special. [01:13:37] Speaker B: But it's also a beautiful thing to realize that because then all of a sudden, you're not alone. [01:13:40] Speaker A: Exactly. [01:13:41] Speaker B: Like you live in a world where I'm alone and I'm a wounded bird and blah, blah, blah. No, no, everyone else is going through something. You're not alone, and that's a beautiful thing to realize, and you're not allowing yourself to realize that. So you're just miserable. And it's like, no offense, but sort of your own fault because everybody's miserable in some other type of way and you're not allowing yourself to connect with people around you. [01:14:01] Speaker A: And then you're romanticizing it as something beautiful but hard, whatever you're doing. And then you're dragging people bitches down, you know, you're dragging bitches down into your darkness, into your dark, little, cluttered little. [01:14:13] Speaker B: I have a tendency to be negative, Nancy. So do I. I feel like that's why we have this podcast. We can let it out here and then be good people in the world. [01:14:19] Speaker A: But if you do, there should be an exchange, I think. Not to be like preachy or whatever, but I do think that people need to listen more than just speak. [01:14:30] Speaker C: You learn a lot from listening, and then that does create more character for you. Yes, we're all different, but everyone can grow and everyone can be better and be, and be different. We're all different. But it's not like we're so dramatically different. And I think that people want love and respect so bad that they think that if they're the same as everyone, then what's stopping this person from loving the other person over me? I think that it truly is a validation thing if I want to be different so I can be validated more than the person next to me. [01:14:59] Speaker B: Our generation is the generation that was raised on like, be different, stand out, be yourself. You're not the same as everyone else. Da da da. Yes, it's beautiful, but it is, to a detriment, affecting a lot of us. Now, as adults, there is something so beautiful about just existing, and you don't have to stand out all the time. And you don't have to be special and unique all the time. Everybody is different and everyone has unique qualities. But that's the thing that makes us similar to everybody else is the fact that everybody is unique. Uniqueness isn't unique. [01:15:26] Speaker C: Everyone's different. And also like, it's also just about the paths and lives. Like if I live here and you live in fucking Europe, we could connect. But like you live in fucking Arab, like I don't live there. I don't. So love, it's not like were in the whole world the most meant for each other. [01:15:44] Speaker B: It's just you're the most convenient at this time. [01:15:47] Speaker C: Yes. [01:15:48] Speaker B: We don't hate each other. I want to see you naked. Let's make it work. [01:15:52] Speaker A: Do you have to answer? [01:15:54] Speaker C: I don't, but I don't know because I'm not gonna. [01:15:57] Speaker A: I feel like we can't send him a contract. [01:15:59] Speaker C: Just delete it. [01:16:01] Speaker B: But we can't get this moment back. [01:16:02] Speaker C: And you're on the pod though. Oh my God. [01:16:06] Speaker A: Wait, are you gonna get the sound of the. [01:16:08] Speaker C: Oh, it didn't. He didn't call. He facetime me. [01:16:11] Speaker A: Are you answering her? [01:16:12] Speaker C: It's not. It's not connecting. I don't know. I might not connect. Link, what's the best thing? [01:16:18] Speaker B: You know? [01:16:18] Speaker C: What's something I want to discuss? We. I hope it doesn't answer randomly. I'm just gonna help you. So this is my second guy that I've been talking to that's in jail that we talk to like every day. I have a type. It's so weird because, I swear to God, but when I met him, like, I didn't know he was going to jail. I met him, we vibed, and he eventually said, yeah, I got to admit myself in a month. So it's just weird how you attract something without even knowing it. And I wonder the psych. I still don't know it, you know, I want to know the psychology on that because I'm attracting these men who happen to be criminals. [01:16:56] Speaker B: I think you like people, you're attracted to people who like live in the moment and they're like, woo. And I feel like a lot of times for a young man that meets like breaking the law, are we attracted. [01:17:07] Speaker A: To opposites at all, do you guys think? [01:17:09] Speaker B: Well, you and me deciphered that we both like hairy chests that we have in common. [01:17:13] Speaker C: I hate hairy chests. [01:17:14] Speaker B: I like, wonder what it is. [01:17:15] Speaker C: I just. [01:17:18] Speaker A: Wait, you do? [01:17:20] Speaker C: Yeah, me too. It can't be that. [01:17:22] Speaker A: It can't be that hairy. It's not that hairy. [01:17:25] Speaker B: It's like, yeah, but I feel like I don't have a type at all. Like, if you line up everyone that I've ever been with in a room, it would just look like earth. [01:17:34] Speaker A: So anyways, Rachel speeding this up, Rachel went back and forth with him for years. So it was five years total because. [01:17:40] Speaker C: It was 16 to 21. Like, about, like, right before I turned 21, I was like, I'm not trying to tell anyone with this bitch. [01:17:47] Speaker B: Bum ass bitch. [01:17:48] Speaker A: Can I say the thing or no? [01:17:49] Speaker C: Say what? [01:17:50] Speaker A: The news that I just found out today. [01:17:52] Speaker C: Oh, fuck. [01:17:53] Speaker A: No. [01:17:54] Speaker C: It's okay. [01:17:55] Speaker A: So here's the ending situation. Rachel's moved on. She's an independent, growing young woman, and she just found out that flipper is seeing someone new. But in addition, this girl posted on the gram. [01:18:12] Speaker C: She did indeed. [01:18:13] Speaker A: And what did she post? [01:18:15] Speaker C: Basically. Oh, like, thank you for being there for me for, like, five years. Within the time of our relationship. Yes. So our relationship. [01:18:25] Speaker B: Now, I'm not good at math, but something's not adding up here. [01:18:29] Speaker A: So this bitch has been sliding up in his DM's for five motherfuckers. [01:18:35] Speaker B: No, allegedly, he's been there for her. It's also like, let's not hate the woman. Let's hate him because he's the problem. [01:18:41] Speaker A: But you can't hate her, I guess. [01:18:43] Speaker B: Because you fuck that. Fuck that bitch. [01:18:46] Speaker C: It's a learning experience to stop hating the girl. I used to have dreams of, like, killing bitches. And I was like, damn. My subconscious needs to learn. Like, let's get at him. Yeah. [01:18:57] Speaker A: Rachel's. Rachel's close friend ended up fucking him. And we were in Florida. My dad called a car service to pick us up from the plane, and he's in the front seat sitting with this guy, just talking. And Rachel's in the back clacking her fingernails, like, I will fuck this bitch up. [01:19:14] Speaker C: Not only that, I was. Ooh. I went off. I told her all about her. I told her, like, I know that that hurt when it time comes and calls for it. You, like, you don't like to hurt people. [01:19:26] Speaker B: You like to put people in their place. [01:19:27] Speaker C: I will say something that you will think about for the next ten years. [01:19:31] Speaker B: That's your scorpio coming out, and I'm late. [01:19:33] Speaker A: If you're gonna say something, you're gonna make it stick. [01:19:36] Speaker C: Yes. Like, this is going to be true. I'm not gonna say, like, you're an ugly bitch. [01:19:41] Speaker B: Cause that's boring. [01:19:42] Speaker C: I will say, like, something that they know we both know is true. [01:19:46] Speaker B: I spread light and love and laughter in the world. But I could, with one sentence, make you completely just rethink everything you've ever done. [01:19:55] Speaker C: Cause I love a good curse out. Ooh, girl, get me mad. Fuck. [01:19:58] Speaker B: Flipper, flip him up. Listen, flipper, flip the channel to the next. Flip the page. [01:20:02] Speaker A: You're a puny little bug. Someone's gonna come around and squash you. You're not a flea. Cause those are hard to kill. You're not a cockroach. Cause those are hard to kill. What kind of bug is he? [01:20:16] Speaker B: He's like a daddy long leg. He's, like, scary looking, but, you know, that bitch isn't venomous. [01:20:20] Speaker A: Yeah, he's a garden snake. [01:20:24] Speaker C: Like, people pick you up and laugh. Wait, he's calling? I at least want to tell him. [01:20:31] Speaker B: Like, just answer and say, hi, you're on the pod. I'll be good. Make it quick. Make it quick. [01:20:35] Speaker A: This is a free call from. [01:20:39] Speaker C: An. [01:20:39] Speaker A: Incarcerated individual at Southwest Daily call. Correction, this call is subject to reporting and monitoring. To accept this from the PI one to refuse this pre call prep. Thank you for using securus. You may start the conversation now. [01:20:54] Speaker C: Hello. [01:20:55] Speaker D: Hi. [01:20:56] Speaker C: Hi. [01:20:57] Speaker D: The homework. [01:20:59] Speaker C: I was going to answer. I'm actually. You're on a podcast right now. [01:21:07] Speaker D: I saw it. I didn't know what you were doing, but I could hear and see you. [01:21:12] Speaker C: You can hear it? See me that whole time? Are you fucking kidding? [01:21:16] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [01:21:18] Speaker C: Oh, my God. [01:21:19] Speaker D: No, I was thankful because I knew you would not act any way that you were acting. If I could, if you knew I could. [01:21:28] Speaker A: He saw the truth. [01:21:33] Speaker C: I would say that now. You're Michigan boy. That's the troubles of our relationship. It's more of, like. It's more of, like, star cross lovers. Like, living 10 hours away. [01:21:44] Speaker A: Star cross lovers. I've never heard. Actually, I've heard that term. [01:21:51] Speaker C: I feel like, okay, so if you're with someone. [01:21:59] Speaker B: For me, I'm like, if you don't live on the entrain, it's long distance. [01:22:03] Speaker C: No one wants to go 10 hours to see someone. Like, it's. It's hard. You want to see someone every day. [01:22:09] Speaker D: Even if. Even if you could come 10 hours to see me right now, you can't anyways. [01:22:19] Speaker C: That's, like, the current issue. [01:22:21] Speaker D: No. [01:22:24] Speaker A: It'S the cell that's the issue. It's the bars. [01:22:28] Speaker C: The current issue is you in jail. But. [01:22:31] Speaker A: Oh, should we ask questions? Did he say he's dressed in yellow? [01:22:35] Speaker D: I'm behind bars in yellow. [01:22:38] Speaker C: If you were in New York, I could still visit you. [01:22:41] Speaker A: Alabama or Texas. [01:22:44] Speaker C: Or Texas. [01:22:51] Speaker B: I do love you're far. [01:22:54] Speaker C: I would visit you if you were in New York, but for me to come. Can you ask him to visit you and then be able to see your for say goodbye? That would suck because it's the by aspect. [01:23:08] Speaker D: I'm the one who told you not to do it. [01:23:10] Speaker A: Rachel, can you ask him what shade of yellow. [01:23:12] Speaker C: What's your. [01:23:13] Speaker A: I'm just wondering if he's walking around in, like, a neon yellow. [01:23:16] Speaker D: There's a couple. There's, like. There's, like, three or four different shades of yellow. Some are real bright. Some are. Or, like, beige yellow. [01:23:25] Speaker A: Wait, is it based on how old the suits are? Like, maybe it's just, like, getting old, the colors fading out. [01:23:34] Speaker C: She said, is it just the colors fading? [01:23:37] Speaker D: There's also, like. There's some that are more orangey that are, like, brand new, and then there's some that are, like, super bright highlighter yellow, but they're also brand new. They're just different. [01:23:47] Speaker C: That's a new request to make. Like, the shade of yellow that you want. Hell, no. [01:23:54] Speaker B: He's like, actually, I think I'm, like, more of, like, a mustard. They're like, shut the fuck up. [01:24:03] Speaker C: You look good in any shade of yellow. [01:24:05] Speaker D: The work is supply, though, so I'm the man. If someone wants something yellow or a different shade of yellow or a brighter shade of yellow or some fresh pants yellow or some fresh socks or pressure, they come to me. [01:24:23] Speaker A: Like, you can provide them with the fashion that they desire. [01:24:27] Speaker C: Like, he's the stylist guys, but they. [01:24:30] Speaker A: Gotta do something for you. [01:24:32] Speaker C: Oh, no. Yeah. What's the trade off? Is it like a cinnabon? [01:24:36] Speaker D: Like a couple honey buns? [01:24:38] Speaker C: Yeah. It comes down to the primal instincts of trade. I feel like in jail. [01:24:43] Speaker B: Trust me, I know all about primal trade. [01:24:46] Speaker D: Someone else who has a job that can somehow benefit me by doing something for me, they get hooked up. And if you want fresh seats or blanket that doesn't have hose in it, you got to be my friend or. [01:24:59] Speaker C: I'm gonna fuck you over. [01:25:02] Speaker D: And two sheets that aren't long enough. [01:25:04] Speaker A: For your bed. [01:25:07] Speaker C: Isn'T made right, then. [01:25:10] Speaker A: You'Re gonna have cold toes during the night, bitch. Try me. [01:25:14] Speaker C: Like, you. It's, like, so sad because the revenge is something so innocent. A grown man, like, crying at night because his feet are. It's like you can't fight, but, like, you can do other things. [01:25:30] Speaker A: Yeah, you could do other little things to drive someone crazy. All right, let's close this up. Can you call him back. Are you. Does he have the time to do another call later? [01:25:38] Speaker C: Are you able to call me in, like, ten minutes? [01:25:45] Speaker A: All right, well, should we close up then? I think we're actually on a podcast. [01:25:50] Speaker C: Yes. We're, like, in a studio. [01:25:53] Speaker D: That's fucking sweet. [01:25:59] Speaker A: What? [01:26:00] Speaker C: Wait, say it again. [01:26:02] Speaker B: Yeah. Let us know where the children can find you. [01:26:07] Speaker D: Me? [01:26:07] Speaker C: It's Aiden sucks on Instagram with x. [01:26:11] Speaker A: If we do, can you agree that you're not gonna sue us for slander or some sort of thing? [01:26:18] Speaker D: I'm not gonna sue you for slander. You have my. You have my vocal signature. [01:26:23] Speaker A: All right, so we're gonna just. We're gonna do pause your conversation. You can stay on the phone, but let's just do our closing then. [01:26:32] Speaker B: We learned a lot. [01:26:34] Speaker A: If your partner has fallen asleep and you're bored, come on down to apartment one r and turn on perturbed. [01:26:40] Speaker B: If you're unable to hang out with your friends because your narcissist partner disallows you to maintain relationships with those you love, come down to perturbed. [01:26:48] Speaker C: I think you should play this in front of them so they're more self aware. [01:26:51] Speaker B: Right? [01:26:52] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That might be the key. [01:26:53] Speaker C: They'll relate. Perturbed. [01:26:55] Speaker A: The podcast is the key to your relationship. [01:26:58] Speaker C: Yeah. [01:27:00] Speaker B: Rachel, you are a fabulous guest. [01:27:02] Speaker A: So we're gonna go ahead and fuck off. [01:27:05] Speaker B: And as RuPaula, we says, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? [01:27:10] Speaker A: Can I get an amen up in here? Like, what does Amen mean? It means amen like a man. Or what? We're gonna put a pin in that. But have a good night. [01:27:21] Speaker B: Have a wonderful afternoon. Love you. Mean it. Goodbye.