Episode 1 - CONSPIRACY THEORISTS

[00:00:00] Speaker A: You. [00:00:01] Speaker B: Hello, everybody, and welcome back to another. [00:00:03] Speaker A: Episode of Apartment One R. And we are back for season two. [00:00:08] Speaker B: Happy season two. Bigger, better, brighter, bolder. You know, that's us now. That's who we are. So get into it. [00:00:15] Speaker A: And it's Halloween season. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Happy October. Happy hi. Hi, all you October babies. I was having a little medical incident. It earlier. Now I'm celebrating with a drink, which is not sponsored. [00:00:30] Speaker A: What's better to make you feel better when you're feeling sick than some alcohol, right? [00:00:36] Speaker B: It's good for you. Yeah. Head over to our instagram at apartment One R. That's apt. One R? What is that? Apt one r. I was thinking the same there today. [00:00:47] Speaker A: Head over to our Instagram. I don't think there's a period, is there? Apt oner podcast. [00:00:53] Speaker B: That sounds right. I have a question. What pisses you off? [00:00:57] Speaker A: You know those bathrooms where there's a little sign it's slightly curved sometimes, sometimes not. Color coded. Red or green as well. In addition, I don't know, sometimes in my head, I see them all with color coding and words just to make sure people get it. [00:01:18] Speaker B: Are you talking about, like, occupied? [00:01:20] Speaker A: Occupied. Right. [00:01:22] Speaker B: Okay. [00:01:22] Speaker A: So it tells you if you can go in or not, if it's being used or not. And it gives you color codes. [00:01:29] Speaker B: Right. [00:01:29] Speaker A: And we all know those. Unless you're from a different country and color symbolizes different things. But here in America, green means go, red means stop. What really perturbs me is when I'm taking a shit and someone starts shaking the door violently, they don't knock. How about this? Just look at the doorknob. It tells you bacon or not. [00:01:53] Speaker B: What is that? It's la la land. It's, oh, I'm the only person on the planet. [00:01:58] Speaker A: And also, if you think I'm going to get out faster because I know you're waiting, let me tell you something about shitting. You need patience. Your body needs patience. Your body needs to not feel stressed and in survival mode. So you just made this three minutes. [00:02:15] Speaker B: Longer because now I'm in fight or flight mode. [00:02:19] Speaker A: It really perturbs me. [00:02:21] Speaker B: That perturbs me, too. [00:02:22] Speaker A: It really does. [00:02:22] Speaker B: It happens to me at work all the time because we have men's bathroom, women's bathroom. Then we have the single stall bathroom, which I love because I'm not going in there with my customers. I'm trying to have my own little thing. I'm trying to hit my jewel. And the entirety of me being in there is just hearing the door. People don't knock and then try to open it. They just try to open it. If I didn't lock the door behind me, it would have swung open four times in the time that I was in there with people just trying to. [00:02:49] Speaker A: Open the door because, yeah, that's what it is. They're trying to open the door instead of wondering in their head, Is someone in there? Is someone doing private things? They're alone. They feel vulnerable. Vulnerable. [00:03:01] Speaker B: Someone's pants around their ankles. [00:03:03] Speaker A: They're crying, like, who knows exactly why are you shaking the door violently? To get inside, and then it's, hello. [00:03:11] Speaker B: Like, no, someone's in here. You could wait. There's also seven other bathrooms, so calm down. [00:03:17] Speaker A: What would you do if someone just opened the door? [00:03:20] Speaker B: First of all, that would never happen because I locked the door so quick behind me. [00:03:24] Speaker A: No, I mean, if you're shaking a door trying to get in for some reason, you're just trying to get into a bathroom that's locked. Obviously, it's locked for a reason. Shaking the door harder isn't going to help you. And if you did manage to forcefully. [00:03:37] Speaker B: Open it, you're going to shit through my lap also. [00:03:39] Speaker A: Yeah. You're gonna walk into someone in a vulnerable moment. Why would you do something like that? [00:03:43] Speaker B: You should be ashamed of yourself. You should be ashamed of yourself. [00:03:46] Speaker A: You should change you should change that behavior. [00:03:49] Speaker B: If you find yourself ratling on a door and hearing, hey, hey, take yourself. [00:03:52] Speaker A: Home, it's extremely unsettling. Did anybody teach you manners? Probably not, no. [00:03:58] Speaker B: And knock. Nobody knocks these days. Nobody knocks these days. [00:04:02] Speaker A: If the literal colored symbol plus words isn't enough for you, try knocking. [00:04:08] Speaker B: Selfish. Selfish. [00:04:10] Speaker A: These are the types of people there's no like, they do a little bit of noise. It's like they're walking straight to the door and just there's no question about it. [00:04:21] Speaker B: I bet you they're on their phone. I bet you they're I imagine them. [00:04:25] Speaker A: Stomping to the door and just going for it. You know that if you're in a public space, that there's a good chance someone's in there probably like, a 70% chance, if anything more. [00:04:36] Speaker B: What's your intention? [00:04:37] Speaker A: Just to you're probably a psychopath if you do that. I wouldn't trust you. [00:04:42] Speaker B: I would never let you around my family, my loved ones. I would never leave a drink around you. Oh, my God. We're rolling. He has issues. Do I need to tone it down? Do I need to tone everything down? [00:05:00] Speaker A: Should we get into our topic for the day? We're going to do some Halloween themes. I think it's Halloween themed. [00:05:07] Speaker B: It's Halloween adjacent. You know, it's spooky adjacent. We're trying to you know, we're we're on we're we're on brands here. We're timely. Okay? We're we're youthful, we're young, we're hip, we're supple. We're always on brands in apartment one. [00:05:22] Speaker A: R, do you want to introduce the topic for the day? [00:05:25] Speaker B: So we're going to talk about conspiracy theorists. Conspiracy theorists. What is a conspiracy theorist? [00:05:35] Speaker A: You know, I'm actually not entirely sure. Is it somebody here's? My guess, it's a group of people who theorize, well, conspiracy would be someone's doing something in a position of power to achieve more power or something. [00:05:55] Speaker B: Conspiring going on. There's got to be conspiring going on. [00:05:59] Speaker A: So theorists would be there's no real evidence, but they believe it's happening. [00:06:03] Speaker B: They believe in the conspiring. I think people give the government and things like, that so much more credit than they deserve, right? [00:06:12] Speaker A: They think they're smart enough to get away with a lot of shit, which I don't know. [00:06:16] Speaker B: We don't have the answer, but nobody does. [00:06:19] Speaker A: I'm going to search up the definition for a conspiracy theorist. Oh theory. Let's see. A belief that some secret but influential organization is responsible for an event or. [00:06:29] Speaker B: Phenomenon, but some events and phenomenons are the whole world. People think everything was created by a group of people in a room, or some of it is, 911 was an inside job. That's an event. Other times, it's like people think everything around them is created by some evil genius somewhere. And I'm like, Mama, okay, let me break it to you. Okay, I'm sorry to break it to you. The earth is round okay? The earth is round Why do I believe this? Well, first and foremost, because I was told it is round. And secondly, because I feel that that makes sense to me. That it's round. What doesn't make sense is the idea that the Earth would be flat. That doesn't sit right. That doesn't feel right. Am I a doctor? No. Am I a scientist. No. Am I an astronaut? No. But it feels pretty round. [00:07:23] Speaker A: Why do you think that people do believe that it's flat? [00:07:26] Speaker B: I think they're religious. I think they're religious. Might not be the type of religion your mama grew up with, but I think it's a new wave of religion. People believe in the Creator because if the world was flat and it was created for us, someone had to have created it. So it goes back to wanting to feel loved, feel special, feel like my human experience is so special that it has to be created. Everything on the planet has to be created. For me, it goes back to that. [00:07:53] Speaker A: Is that what you feel like religion is? I can't even imagine thinking that the world is flat. Things wouldn't be. I literally cannot fathom it just because. [00:08:04] Speaker B: Want to know why you can't fathom it? [00:08:06] Speaker A: Oh, because you know what I'm thinking now? Maybe they like the idea of heaven and hell. Like, they like a below and above. That makes sense to them in their brains. They also like, up is up, down is down, right is right, wrong is wrong. Black and white, thinking it feels comfortable to them. It would be my theory, because once. [00:08:25] Speaker B: You get into the fact that we're dust on a marble floating through God knows what for how and nobody knows anything, that's an unsettling reality. The reality of the human experience. It's a little scary, a little extremely unsettling. It's a little lonely. So I feel like if someone presented you an idea that well, the government is just telling you that you're nothing, floating in nothing, but the reality is you were created by someone who loves every aspect of you and created an entire world for you and is watching you right now. They're like, okay, I like that. [00:08:56] Speaker A: Yeah, it seems more comfortable. And to be honest, I would like to believe that. [00:09:00] Speaker B: But then it's also scary because then they're like, oh, the government. The government is lying to us. Blah, blah, blah. Everyone's lying to us. I think that's scarier a scarier mentality than thinking I'm dust on a rock. [00:09:12] Speaker A: Well, maybe they feel like the government's lying to us. We know the truth, so we're good. We know we're not being convinced or manipulated. [00:09:20] Speaker B: We see through like, you sheep. Like, you sheep. I'm woke and I see reality, and my third eye is open, and Antarctica is the wall, and blah, blah, blah. And I'll go to Atlantis, bitch. Go. Go. Then. [00:09:36] Speaker A: Wait, but with that theory, that means that there would be an end. But you never get an end, right? Like, meaning on the Earth, you would reach a point that ends. [00:09:45] Speaker B: Because I get into the 03:00 a.m. YouTube journeys after a little bit of marijuana, you know what I mean? So I entertain it all. They believe Antarctica is a wall that surrounds the planet, the flat planet, I guess. Oh, and that beyond the wall. There's, like, more stuff, and then there's, like, another ring. [00:10:06] Speaker A: Antarctica. What's the other piece of ice on the other end? [00:10:10] Speaker B: The North Pole. It's just kind of like little islands and stuff. It's not as chunky as Miss Antarctica is, but my thing is, go there, then. Go there. You're doing a lot of talking from Paris, Texas, on the Internet. Get yourself into a little plane and go there. See for yourself. [00:10:27] Speaker A: Well, is there someone who went there and was like, See, this is it. [00:10:30] Speaker B: There's, like, no fly zones and stuff or whatever, but it gets little OOH. OOH, but the Earth is round. The earth is round or at least I believe it is. [00:10:40] Speaker A: Oh, my yeah, I'm jealous of the people who believe that, to be honest, because they're fear. [00:10:45] Speaker B: They're always panicking. It comes with a whole other set of mentality of fear and panic. And the world's lying, and everyone around me is blind, and it's scary. You're lonely. You're freaking out over there. [00:10:58] Speaker A: Yeah. But it would be nice to just know that things are just as they are. Heaven exists. Although my mindset is like I would be like, well, how do we get there? And I literally could never get to that place because I would just have too many questions that would lead me back to we don't have answers, but it's definitely not this. [00:11:16] Speaker B: I feel like that's my main thing, I guess religion, is I don't know, and you don't know either. Okay? That's how I feel. Nobody knows. Nobody knows. So believe what you want to believe, but don't tell me. Oh, you know. Oh, I know. I know. No, you don't. You don't know shit. Nobody knows shit. Not the billionist of billionaires. Not anybody. So calm down, Luis. [00:11:39] Speaker A: Okay, so you feel that Flat Earth is an example of some sort of cult religious complex? [00:11:46] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:47] Speaker A: Oh, and personal, but yeah, which is kind of fascinating, because if we're made in God's image, then you're right, we do think it's for us. It's very, like, us centered. [00:11:56] Speaker B: Remember the time they had, like, a Trump store, whatever, long story short. And me and Holly would go there and argue with them, and they were actually good at arguing and being somewhat respectful, and we were there for hours, and then I said that the human life is equivalent to a squirrel's life, and this lady lost it. Lost it. We could disagree about every topic in the world, but when I compared a human's experience to a squirrel's experience, she lost it. I feel like they think that they. [00:12:29] Speaker A: Don'T like that people don't like being compared to animals. They don't. My thought process is we call cops pigs, but it's like, what did the pig ever do? [00:12:37] Speaker B: I know. The pigs are adorable. [00:12:38] Speaker A: They're freaking adorable. They've never hurt a soul. Maybe they have. I don't know. Hogs, maybe. Run a hogs, run amuck. But whatever. [00:12:45] Speaker B: Chances are you fucked with the hog first. Okay. [00:12:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:48] Speaker B: I don't think a hog is coming into your room and beating you. [00:12:51] Speaker A: It didn't do anything. And we always label it people that we don't like as animals. We give that name, and it's like, they didn't do anything. [00:12:58] Speaker B: Right. [00:12:59] Speaker A: That goes back to, animals are inherently worse than us. So therefore, if we want to hurt someone or put down a group of people, call them an animal. [00:13:08] Speaker B: And it's like if you want to say that your behavior is better than something, you say it's humane, bitch. There is nothing humane about the humans. If you act with, like, empathy, compassion, love those things. Like you're acting like an animal. If you act like a venomous, murderous, chaotic, evil narcissist, that's humane. That's humane. [00:13:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:13:29] Speaker B: Let's reverse that. [00:13:30] Speaker A: Let's just take animals. Does it really make people feel that much more comfortable being better than the animals? Why do we feel the need to be better, more important, more special, needing us to be made in God's image? Does that do really any good for our psyche? And also, my question would be, is there some sort of evolutionary benefit to that? [00:13:55] Speaker B: I feel like no. I feel like it's holding us back. There's a certain okay. And I know certain people have wonderful personal relationships with God, and I'm not coming for you. That's wonderful. But there's this mean girl energy when it comes to religion of, like, let's use doja cat, for example. Are you up to date on doja cat and things or no, no. [00:14:13] Speaker A: Tell me. And then I don't know if any of our listeners will know. [00:14:17] Speaker B: They know. [00:14:17] Speaker A: They might not. [00:14:18] Speaker B: It's not only doja cat, every pop star goes through this, where people are like, they're possessed by the devil. Like, they're possessed by Satan. [00:14:26] Speaker A: Oh, the illuminati, the illuminati. [00:14:28] Speaker B: Blah, blah. I'm like relax. Relax. And there's this mean girl energy of like, oh, she's wearing red and she's singing about the devil. That's not me. I'm not looking at like she's crazy. I'm like, you just look like a little mean girl. And you're also like, I don't know. You got a pray, girl? I'm like, Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. [00:14:50] Speaker A: And the color thing is important there, too. Some of us feel like white means pure. Some of us feel like white means danger, like KKK or, like, just too pure, too clean. It's not reality. Whoa. [00:15:05] Speaker B: The SpongeBob episode of Alone, Alone Alone. [00:15:10] Speaker A: Too many people wearing white is connected to so many toxic things. Weddings, not that toxic, but their performances that people are spending a lot of. [00:15:20] Speaker B: Money on, like, a white yacht party where everyone's wearing white. Or it's always like people vacationing in Europe in white, and they're like, oh, I'm in a hat. I'm European. [00:15:30] Speaker A: You know what? Green doesn't mean money. White means money. White means money. [00:15:35] Speaker B: If you're in, like, cotton pants outside or why do you have white shoes on? Aren't shoes meant to be gross and dirty? [00:15:42] Speaker A: I do have white shoes given to me, however. Yeah, I agree. Anything that I wear that's white, I'm like, oh, God, I'm too messy. [00:15:49] Speaker B: Or like, you're going to a wine tasting in, like, a silk white shirt. What are you doing? Like, you're going to stain it. You should be wearing red or you're going outside to a concert. You should have brown shoes on. You're going to ruin your clothes. You're going to ruin your clothes. [00:16:03] Speaker A: Too much white feels intimidating to me because it feels like judgment, like God judging. But that transfers to people, and green is nature. So if anything, green means that we're all a piece of the universe. Another big conspiracy is the pyramidaliens thing. [00:16:21] Speaker B: People are like, how could ancient civilizations build the pyramids? Like, Mama, a pile of boulders is not that crazy. It's not that crazy. I understand. There's perfect geometry to it. There's all of this coincidences and mathematics and stuff, like, okay, and we could do all that again right now if we wanted. [00:16:42] Speaker A: That kind of implies that people before. [00:16:45] Speaker B: Us were yeah, like, they think, oh, the Egyptians were, like, Durf with, like, a no, like they were an advanced civilization. Just because they didn't know Taco Bell doesn't mean they don't know how to build stuff. I don't understand. [00:16:59] Speaker A: And all science, everything kind of builds on top of each other research. You're usually using the work of others and then building upon it. So the only reason we have crazy shit nowadays but the only reason is because we were building for however long that we were building on top of knowledge after knowledge after knowledge. It's not that crazy to think it makes sense. Like, the timeline along with actually what they did and what we've done now it makes total sense. [00:17:31] Speaker B: They see it as like, oh, my God, humans could have never been able to figure this out. Like, okay, we'll take an ancient Egyptian and put them in the subway and watch them freak out. [00:17:39] Speaker A: Okay. But this one doesn't have to do with religion. This I understand a little bit more in the sense that it's more magic or extraterrestrial. Yeah. And that's exciting. I think people like the excitement of that. [00:17:53] Speaker B: It is exciting. It is exciting. [00:17:55] Speaker A: Again, I would like to believe that. [00:17:56] Speaker B: But I'm not going to believe it until there's a spaceship hovering above my house with a beam and a cow coming up. Like, I believe in aliens and stuff or whatever, just different life forms. But I'm not going to jump to conclusions. Let's take a few steps back here. Until there's someone I come in peace in my living room, I'm going to assume they're somewhere else. [00:18:18] Speaker A: Yeah, exactly. I would find it hard to believe. I just would I could have want to believe things and just not be capable of doing it, which is another people are capable of believing what they want to believe. Am I capable? Are you? And does it depend on the category and the personality? [00:18:34] Speaker B: I feel like I half believe everything. [00:18:36] Speaker A: Okay, that's a good like, if you. [00:18:38] Speaker B: Tell me a thing, a conspiracy theory, I go, sure. Because I believe you don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. Nobody knows what we're talking about. So let's entertain it. Let's entertain theory. Let's look into it. Let's have fun with it. If you're dedicating your entire life making life decisions based on aliens or Antarctica or, like, conspiracy theories, I think it's gotten a little out of hands with you. You need to reel it in, bring it back to reality. Touch grass, go outside, go in the woods. If you're spending all your time on the Internet yeah. Three in the morning, the Earth is flat. The earth is flat. Pluto's not real. Mama go camping. [00:19:14] Speaker A: The Internet drifts people farther and farther away from reality. It's like an acid trip. You just keep floating farther and farther away. Although there's a lot of info on. [00:19:25] Speaker B: There, but people abuse it and then people use it properly. [00:19:28] Speaker A: Next one. Reptilians. NPCs equals narcissism. [00:19:33] Speaker B: Yeah, there's this huge like, I'm sure you guys are aware there's this huge uproar, I feel like, right now about NPCs and simulation things and reptilians. Do you know about that? [00:19:45] Speaker A: To be honest, no. I've never really understood it. I remember people thinking when Obama was running that he was a reptile reptilian. [00:19:53] Speaker B: People think all politicians and celebrities are reptile. [00:19:58] Speaker A: It's just kind of been this weird thing that's existed in the background, and I've wanted to know what was going on there. Although have I done the research? I'm not sure, but it's been this weird conversation that's so obscure that like, what where could that have stemmed from? And where's the rationale? Do you know anything about what the. [00:20:17] Speaker B: Theory is, is that they're just, like, reptilians from the Middle Earth that come up and disguise themselves as Clinton. [00:20:24] Speaker A: And they're not aliens. [00:20:25] Speaker B: I mean, I don't know, really? They think they're, like, from Earth, but they're just different. [00:20:30] Speaker A: Why reptilians? Like, the whole thing is just really it's too much. [00:20:33] Speaker B: It's too much. [00:20:34] Speaker A: What are NPCs. [00:20:35] Speaker B: Non playable character. It's this whole thing like, you know when you're playing a video game and there's, like, a non playable character that's just, like, programmed to just do people think, like other people are non playable characters? Like, they're just programmed. And I'm like, that's so Nazi mentality to think that people are just not real humans and people are like, lol, NPC energy just found an NPC. I'm like, do you realize you sound like an abrasive asshole? [00:21:01] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. Because they're saying this person's not lol. [00:21:04] Speaker B: This target employee is not even a real person. Like, they're just programmed. You sound like a fucking idiot. You sound so self obsessed and so self centered that you think other people don't exist and aren't experiencing reality. You think you're the only one experiencing reality? Oh, what? It turns into, like, narcissism real quick. Real quick. [00:21:26] Speaker A: They're the main character. We talk about main characters in the sense that because we're living in our own bodies and experiencing our own experience, there's like an awareness that we have our own experience and we're on this journey in our bodies. But that's wild to then think that other people are just not but then what does that mean? These people, I feel like, need to just keep going with the questions, though. You don't just stop at one explanation. Then you have to say, what does that mean? Who's controlling this? [00:21:55] Speaker B: Then it all goes back to God. My conspiracy theory is that all conspiracy theories just go back to God somehow, some way. [00:22:03] Speaker A: So God created a reality for you. [00:22:05] Speaker B: Or whoever God is. You know what I mean? [00:22:07] Speaker A: Someone created a reality for you and created fake people. [00:22:11] Speaker B: Or for certain people. They think, like, I don't know, maybe half the people on the planet are real and half the people aren't. [00:22:17] Speaker A: Why would they do that? [00:22:17] Speaker B: I know. Also, I'm like that's. So, like, Nazi mentality. [00:22:21] Speaker A: Yeah, because the only explanation for why they would do that is to say that no one would be low enough to just exist. [00:22:30] Speaker B: Yeah, there's this whole everyone needs to be a star all the time. Some people just are fine. [00:22:37] Speaker A: That's an awful one. [00:22:38] Speaker B: Isn't that terrible? And it's so common right now. I feel like I'm seeing a lot of it, of just that vibe. Like simulation. There's a whole thing on, like, simulation. [00:22:46] Speaker A: And it all's controlling the simulation. And then who's controlling the controller of the simulation? That doesn't make any sense. Ask a little bit more questions. I mean, I haven't looked into it, but like, EW. [00:22:56] Speaker B: They think they're a SIM. [00:22:57] Speaker A: Oh, my God. I would be so curious to meet a person who believes this, just to see how they behave. [00:23:02] Speaker B: I'm sure they walk among us, ask. [00:23:05] Speaker A: Around, but I want to see if they behave like a narcissist. If they just act like everything is their perspective, they probably do that thing. [00:23:14] Speaker B: That straight men do when they walk into a room and they think everything is about them and everyone's eyes need to be on them and shift the energy in the room. That's probably the Ven diagram probably overlaps at NPC. [00:23:26] Speaker A: Believers talking about all these conspiracy theorists. There's so many. [00:23:31] Speaker B: There's so many. [00:23:32] Speaker A: It's like the human mammal needs it for some reason. [00:23:37] Speaker B: Needs you know, we always talk in this house. We talk about that humans are, in a way, in captivity and we're far removed from human nature. So there is something like off. So people are trying to figure out what that is, but they're just not hitting the nail on the head. [00:23:51] Speaker A: Right, that makes sense. Something's off and they want to feel the comfort of having explanations. I was going to say, well, what about Nazi Germany and all of that? But maybe something's been off for a long time. [00:24:03] Speaker B: We've been far removed for a while. [00:24:05] Speaker A: Because the Internet couldn't be the answer to this one, because we've been blaming groups and coming up with theories that cause wars and hate and whatever for so long. Maybe it's like the need to survive in order to survive, I guess in our species, you need to hold a position of power. So you want to be in the good group, and in order to be in the good group, you need to make someone in the bad group because we're very tribal. [00:24:31] Speaker B: But it's like, mind your business. [00:24:33] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:35] Speaker B: I'm like, relax. [00:24:38] Speaker A: Oh, God, it's nine already. What? [00:24:45] Speaker B: Terrible. [00:24:46] Speaker A: I think your thing is terrible. [00:24:47] Speaker B: This is horrible. What is this? Oh, that's terrible. I think that's the worst jewel I've ever hit in my life. So Philip is here. Hello. [00:25:02] Speaker A: This is the third mystery character from. [00:25:04] Speaker B: Apartment one R. This is our roommate, Philip. Greetings, Earthlings. [00:25:08] Speaker A: Are you guys surprised there's a third? [00:25:11] Speaker B: See, there's a lot that goes down in apartment one R that we're an open book here in apartment one R. There's always more to learn. We've been hiding, actually. [00:25:20] Speaker A: He's brand new and he has more to learn, too. What kind of dark secrets do we have? [00:25:25] Speaker B: Yeah, see, it's nothing like fresh roommates. It's like all positivity, but who knows? Somewhere down the line, like, when is it going to crack? It's like finding out your roommate's a hoarder. [00:25:36] Speaker A: Which we both are. [00:25:37] Speaker B: Right. Trust me, it's not that bad. Oh, man. I've seen some terrible. Surround yourself with people who have seen worse. [00:25:44] Speaker A: I agree. Surround yourself with the mentally ill, but the kind of mentally ill. Who? I don't know. There's certain kinds that are good and there's certain kinds that are bad. [00:25:56] Speaker B: Use hashtag. Are you joking? One R with the sponsors. Got to get some sponsors. I know. If you want to sponsor us. Hey, girl. We'll even do one for free. Just one. [00:26:06] Speaker A: So that was the first podcast. This is the first podcast of the season two. [00:26:11] Speaker B: Hi, season two. [00:26:13] Speaker A: It's October 1. [00:26:15] Speaker B: Happy October. [00:26:16] Speaker A: Happy October. [00:26:17] Speaker B: I'm an October baby. Comment down below. If you're an October baby, I see you. I see you. I feel you. I hear you. [00:26:23] Speaker A: You're heard and you're valued comment, your conspiracy theories, or if you're a believer in flat earth or such and such. Have we insulted you? [00:26:33] Speaker B: If we have, let us know down in the comments below. Let's get some engagement going. I think you're dumb and I think you're an idiot. And if you want to come for me, so be it. We need engagement because, you know, here in apartment one R, if you stay canceled, you don't got to get canceled. [00:26:47] Speaker A: If you want to write a whole ass paragraph, we'll read it. If you have an argument. [00:26:51] Speaker B: We're not at the level where we're like we don't read comments like no, we read comments and we encourage nasty comments. So let them come. Let them come. And we encourage nice comments too, but they're not as fun. All press is good press, right? [00:27:03] Speaker A: Should we say something awful just to. [00:27:05] Speaker B: Get the public controversy? I think Ariana Grande's new boyfriend is kind of cute. So scandalous. Eat that. Eat that. Everyone's like, dumb, ugly, disgusting bitch. Dumb bitch, fag, bitch boy. I'm like, Whoa, let's relax. [00:27:20] Speaker A: I have no idea who he is or what the sitch is. [00:27:23] Speaker B: He's just some little twink that plays SpongeBob on Broadway that's actually people think he's gay. No, people are like, he's ugly and gross, and he's weird and cringy. People suck. I'm like bitch. He's on Broadway. You're jealous. And he's fucking Ariana Grande. [00:27:35] Speaker A: Also. Like, that's weird to think about it. [00:27:37] Speaker B: Let her in. Have you guys ever met our cats? [00:27:41] Speaker A: Hi, Zooey. Hi. No. [00:27:44] Speaker B: What do you have to say? Zooey? The people want to know. She's tangled in the wire. [00:27:52] Speaker A: Zoom. [00:27:56] Speaker B: We want to know here in apartment one R, what pisses you off? What perturbs you? What makes you look at someone and think, are you joking? Next time someone pisses you off, don't get bitter. Just come down to apartment one R's comment section and let us know, and we'll talk about it in future episodes. [00:28:12] Speaker A: If you're putting shit in the dishwasher, if you're stepping out the door, it's a nice, cool day, october. [00:28:21] Speaker B: So maybe you're enjoying a morning breeze. Maybe you're on the subway. Maybe you broke out the jacket for the first time this year. [00:28:30] Speaker A: Maybe you're pumpkin picking. [00:28:32] Speaker B: Maybe you're picking a pumpkin. Do yourself a favor, carve a jacko lantern. [00:28:36] Speaker A: Maybe you're on the drive. With friends. Some of them fell asleep, but you still got to drive. You're on your way to fright best Six Flags. [00:28:44] Speaker B: Maybe you're stopping in and enjoying an iced late with some pumpkin syrup in it, some pumpkin spice. [00:28:51] Speaker A: I'm going to argue that and say that if you are going for ice, maybe try warm. [00:28:57] Speaker B: Sure, try warm. But if you're an ice girl, don't be shamed into trying warm. [00:29:02] Speaker A: Yeah. No. What are you doing? Getting iced. Okay, it's not the full package. Okay? You want the full package, you got to get fluffy. Add some pumpkin spice, maybe a little. [00:29:16] Speaker B: Bit of caramel OOH, a little vanilla. Get yourself a dirty chai. Get yourself a dirty, filthy little bloody chai latte. [00:29:24] Speaker A: Yes. Where the creaminess of it gets on your upper lip. [00:29:28] Speaker B: It's very see, I'd go warm for her. I'd go warm for a nice dirty chai with oat milk. [00:29:36] Speaker A: Oh, wait, no dirty chai. You do things all wrong. [00:29:39] Speaker B: I think you do things all wrong. [00:29:41] Speaker A: No, first of all, if you're going to get a chai, it needs to be sweetened as is with soy milk. [00:29:47] Speaker B: I like my chai filthy. Filthy. How about you? You know, I'll take it either way. There you go. I'm not anti chai, don't get me wrong. But if I could put espresso in something, I will. Do you prefer an ice drink? Like a nice iced late? Maybe an iced coffee? Maybe you're a cold brew girl. Maybe you're a black, cold brew girl. Let us know. Maybe you're a warm kind of person. [00:30:10] Speaker A: It's October 1. If you're still getting iced, I think you're going to need to look inward on that one. [00:30:16] Speaker B: You know, I'm going to post. I have a video of me getting iced coffee in a snowstorm, and I love that about myself. [00:30:21] Speaker A: I think you're pathetic. [00:30:25] Speaker B: Let me ask you something. When you drink water, do you want it to be cold or hot? [00:30:28] Speaker A: Room temp. [00:30:29] Speaker B: Really? Okay. You can drink it quicker when it's room temp. [00:30:32] Speaker A: Yes, you can. [00:30:33] Speaker B: I like room temp. I like room temp. I prefer cold. I prefer cold. [00:30:37] Speaker A: You know what? I hate it when people apologize for giving me well, not hate it because I know they're looking out, but there's an air of I'm sorry, it's not cold yet or whatever. And I'm like preferred. There's a lot of room temp people out there, and we need to be heard. Our voices are not being listened to. We're not being validated, but we exist. [00:30:59] Speaker B: Hashtag room temp. Let us know if you're hashtag room. [00:31:01] Speaker A: Temp or if you're a weirdo. [00:31:06] Speaker B: All weirdos are welcome because sometimes I need my water so cold that it's. [00:31:11] Speaker A: Like do you feel it even going down? [00:31:13] Speaker B: Like, I want it a degree away from being ice. And I also like room temp. But if I'm say I'm hungover, if I'm hot, I'm sweating. I want crystals in my water. I feel like if I chug ice water, though. It's painful. I love that. You're chugging it. It hurts. You go at the end. I love that. [00:31:34] Speaker A: I hate it when ice, though, hits and it blocks the flow. [00:31:38] Speaker B: I hate that I drink iced coffee so fast that when I'm done with the iced coffee, the ice is still touching the lid. Can you think about it? Iced coffee? There's like half a cup of coffee in there and it's like all ice. Yeah. That's why I like making my own iced coffee. I was a spoiled brat who was a barista for years. So I put up with things that say a dunkin. But my standards for iced coffee are pretty high. Pretty high. [00:32:01] Speaker A: Well, I will defend it and say that the cups are bigger, therefore able to carry more coffee so that it's not totally a scam. [00:32:10] Speaker B: There's still too much ice. I don't call it a scam, but it's just too much ice. Too much ice. And this is coming from Know. You know how much I love my ice in my coffee, but I prefer know when it's there to make the drink cold, it's not there to why don't I piss me off. Duncan. Duncan, you piss me off. They made an ad where they tried to glamorize the ice that they put in the drink where they were, like, shaking it and making music with their ice in the cup. And I'm like, don't patronize me. You've put too much ice in it. All I'm drinking is I take three gulps and I have a plastic cup of ice. And you're trying to glamorize it? [00:32:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Wow. And I'm insulted. [00:32:50] Speaker B: I see through it. And I'm a big supporter of you. And I'm also pissed that you took your beyond sausage off the menu. So if you're listening, Mr. Dunkin'Donuts, fuck you. And I was a big supporter. I used to hang out at Duncan. I used to literally go on dates to Duncan. And now you're, you're on thin ice. Get it? Speaking of ice, she a baddie. She's showing her panty. She shake it like jelly hunted bands in Chanel. But she's still shaking ass in a deli ice spice poetic. It's beautiful. I guess this is goodbye. [00:33:22] Speaker A: I think this is goodbye. I think it's time for us to fuck off. [00:33:25] Speaker B: Maybe it's time to fuck off. If everyone was more like us, I think that the world would be a better place. If everybody stood in the mirror and said, how could I be more like Michael? I think the world would be a better place. What would Michael do? [00:33:38] Speaker A: Actually? What would Holly do is the real question. [00:33:41] Speaker B: Well, to each his own. Be better, be better. Farewell. [00:33:45] Speaker A: Bye bye. [00:33:46] Speaker B: Ta ta doodle. Damn it. [00:33:48] Speaker A: You said it first. [00:33:49] Speaker B: Adios. Get out of my house. [00:33:54] Speaker A: It's time to go. [00:33:56] Speaker B: By the way, this is always how it goes. Like, our goodbye segment is, like, longer than the podcast. [00:34:01] Speaker A: So awkward. [00:34:03] Speaker B: It's like the fierce bueller's Day off. The ending when they're like, you're still here. Go. [00:34:07] Speaker A: I don't remember the ending. [00:34:08] Speaker B: Oh, really? When they're like, in the theater and he comes out. [00:34:11] Speaker A: But just to clarify, we're not copying the ending of we are the original. [00:34:15] Speaker B: We're the blueprint. We're the blueprint. [00:34:18] Speaker A: We exist, multidimensionally, timelessly. We've always been here. In the wind, in the earth, in the water. [00:34:27] Speaker B: The next time you smell a nice dirty chai brewing, that's us. The next time you step in dog shit, that's us. [00:34:33] Speaker A: The next time you feel the crunch of leaves, that's us. [00:34:37] Speaker B: A morning breeze. [00:34:38] Speaker A: We're the crunch, the breeze, the dog shit. [00:34:42] Speaker B: We're the cobweb above the cabinet. [00:34:43] Speaker A: We're the cobweb that you walk through, feel it and then panic for a few seconds wondering if there's a spider on you. We are the spider that will be on you and you'll never know it. [00:34:55] Speaker B: We are the question in your head when you ask, what is the perfection we are? I used to be an atheist, and then I looked in the mirror and saw God. We're always with you. We're always with you. We're always with you. We'll never leave you. Listen. Do you hear that? Do you hear that? [00:35:16] Speaker A: It's awesome. We're in your dreams. [00:35:18] Speaker B: Remember when you woke up in the middle of the night last night and had that weird feeling in your stomach? [00:35:23] Speaker A: I was there in the shadows under your bed. [00:35:28] Speaker B: Or when you felt like you were being watched in the shower? [00:35:32] Speaker A: When you were afraid of what was in the closet? Lingering. We were lingering. Waiting. [00:35:37] Speaker B: We are not in the shadows. We are the shadows. We are the sun. We are light. Are we starting a cult, guys? [00:35:49] Speaker A: Should we start a call? [00:35:50] Speaker B: Okay, I'm down. I feel like we should I'm down. [00:35:52] Speaker A: Oh, my God. We would be such good occult leaders. [00:35:54] Speaker B: We would treat our girls correctly. First of all, we would be good mothers. Good mothers. All you have to do is just not blink. [00:36:01] Speaker A: All you have to do is follow exactly what we say. Don't you dare argue. Ever. [00:36:07] Speaker B: We're going to strip you of all individuality, all choice. [00:36:10] Speaker A: You are not whoever you think you are, whoever you thought you were, whoever you thought you would become. You are not that. You are apartment one R. You are. [00:36:21] Speaker B: Going to eat, breathe, sleep, shit, throw up, bleed. Apartment one, R. It is the only. [00:36:28] Speaker A: Thing that matters, not you. [00:36:30] Speaker B: If you're on your commute to work, turn that bus around. Turn that fucking bus around and come to mama. Come to mama. [00:36:39] Speaker A: To mama. Come to who is always there. [00:36:42] Speaker B: You belong with our family. [00:36:44] Speaker A: We are what provided you support to survive all of these years. You think you did it alone? No. [00:36:52] Speaker B: Every time you take a breath, you don't think about taking a breath. Because we do it for you. We're inside you. [00:37:03] Speaker A: We are like we are like the universe. Because we work in a cycle. We may be inside you but we can also eat you if we wanted to. So you better fucking watch yourself. [00:37:15] Speaker B: Or else you'll be our next bowl of Cocoa Pebbles. Last time I okay this team. [00:37:19] Speaker A: Fruity Pebbles. [00:37:20] Speaker B: Say something nasty. [00:37:22] Speaker A: Go ahead, say it. [00:37:23] Speaker B: Last time I shot on a dick, I called it Fruity Pebbles. Okay, I'm done. [00:37:28] Speaker A: And that's how you do it here. [00:37:30] Speaker B: In apartment one R. Without us, you would be nothing. Nothing. You would be a shell of who you once were. [00:37:39] Speaker A: Come join us and let us know for the apartment one R gang. We are not a cult. We are not a cult. We are not a tribe. We are more than that. You must. [00:37:54] Speaker B: If come to Daddy. [00:37:57] Speaker A: So we're excited for you to join the ride. And we'll see you next week. [00:38:01] Speaker B: See you next week toodleoo. Bye.